


The Interpretation of Alice's Visions

by MaxiBrux



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: All Cullens appear, All Wolves are there, Bella has Cancer, F/M, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:21:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 27,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28129815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaxiBrux/pseuds/MaxiBrux
Summary: Edward leaves Bella after the new born battle sure that Bella would be able to move on with Jake after seeing how upset she was when she said her farewells to him.Over four years later, Aro comes to see Bella with an offer.  Alice realises that Bella has not moved on as expected and discovers that nothing was as it seemed.This is a re-edit of a fiction I posted on another site.
Relationships: Bella Swan & Angela Weber, Edward Cullen/Bella Swan, Edward Cullen/Tanya, Embry Call/Bella Swan, Jacob Black & Bella Swan
Comments: 20
Kudos: 60





	1. Bella's POV

**Author's Note:**

> There was so much in Twilight that I wished had been addressed but never was. Fan fictions plug many gaps and this is my attempt to plug some of them too. The gaps I'm addressing here in particular are the reliance that the Cullens place on Alice and her visions, and the consequences of Edward not wanting to change Bella. Issues related to these points are raised as the story progresses.
> 
> I hope you enjoy my foray into SM's characters.

I was looking out of the kitchen window waiting.

I had no idea what it was that I was awaiting; but I knew that I was waiting for something.

Today I was meant to be at the hospital having what were supposed to be routine tests, but I got a call to reschedule due to staff sickness. Not that I need tests to inform me of the news. I knew that the outcome of Alice’s visions of my future was soon to reach fruition: I would not be alive long enough to see my 25th birthday. You can run and hide from fate as much as you want but sooner or later the bitch will catch up with you. All His efforts to keep me alive to have a long, full and happy life were all for naught. Oh the irony.

A completely out of place in this dreary town dark sedan with blacked out windows drew up to the front of my home and a huge, yet immensely graceful man exited the front passenger seat to open the rear door for the incredibly important personage. I was neither surprised nor upset. My end was coming and I supposed that this would mean that it would be less painful than it would otherwise be.

I went to open the front door.

“Aro, this is an unexpected honour” I said in greeting. “Won’t you please come in and chat for a while? I miss being able to talk to someone freely and we can do that while I write a few short letters, back dated a couple of days, if that’s okay. You may read them if it would alleviate any concerns.”

“Isabella, it is a great pleasure to see you, but not as you are. Jane said that the date had been set for your change” Aro sounded disappointed, but I didn’t expect that he truly was.

“It had been, but He changed his mind. You heard His mind; you know that He never really wanted to change me, so he dumped me instead.”

At that Aro really did look shocked. “While I am not surprised to hear that Edward refused to give you immortality, I am surprised that he was able to bring himself to leave you again. I know that to young Edward you are the most important thing in the world.”

“Well apparently He decided that he wanted to enjoy some passionate vampire sex and took up with another woman days before our wedding was to happen. My conversion was supposed to take place shortly after that auspicious event. But what can I say? It doesn’t matter how much I wanted it, He didn’t and there was nothing that I could do to change his mind, no matter how or what I tried.”

“My earlier offer to you still stands, Isabella” Aro said. “You would make a wonderful addition to our little family. Won’t you please consider joining us?”

I took a couple of seconds to think about Aro’s offer and ponder on his definition of ‘little family’. It would be one way to spite Him, but what would be the point? It had been hard enough these last four and a half years without Him, eternity would be torture.

“Thank you, but no. I admit that I was tempted for a second or two, but I couldn’t face it. How do you want to do this?” I asked, referring to my death. “A quick snap of the neck at the top of the stairs making it look like I accidently fell?”

“You seem remarkably blasé about your impending demise” Aro was puzzled.

“You saw all of Alice’s visions. She never saw me live beyond my early twenties, no matter what other decisions were made. Your arrival just hastened it a little. I would have liked to have seen my family again, but perhaps it’s better that they don’t get to watch me suffer a slow and painful death.”

Once again I had managed to shock Aro. “You are dying?”

“Yes, my best guess is six months. Maybe a little more, probably a bit less.”

“And even in death you put others before yourself. You amaze me yet again Isabella Swan. I do wish that I could have met you as an immortal, I am sure that you would have been quite extraordinary. Why did not young Alice offer to change you?” Aro sounded puzzled.

“She is His sister. Family loyalty comes first, I understand that. Besides, once I learned of His new partner, I had no reason to want the change anyway. So, how are we going to do this?” I asked again.

Aro paused for a second to think: “I am going to give you what you want which, I believe, will be a first for you. I am going to let you spend your remaining time with your family. I think it is the least you deserve. Is there anything else I can do for you?”

“Yes, actually, there is” I tried not to let my shock show at Aro’s generosity. “If He comes to you again wanting to die, if it’s possible, can you keep him as a prisoner for five years for me so that he can suffer as I have suffered? Don’t give him human blood, He will get much pleasure from the taste but be able to justify it to himself as him having no option. Give Him the blood of herbivores, he likes that least, but it will still keep him reasonably healthy. You might be able to make arrangements with local butchers for the blood of farm animals – He would so hate that!” and I smiled a little at the thought that he would be uncomfortable but safe.

Aro gave a little chuckle. “Isabella Swan! I had no idea that you entertained such evil thoughts. Are you sure that wouldn’t want to join our guard? Think of the fun you could have with Him then” perhaps Aro really thought he was offering me an incentive.

I didn’t reply but I did give Aro a half smile. “And when you release him, tell Him not to waste his life, to give something back to the world. He should take a lesson from Carlisle who is the best man I know. He has a wonderful talent for music but He never shares it. His music belongs in the concert halls of the world and in the hearts and minds of all music lovers: anything less is a waste. But if you want to hurt Tanya of Denali a little I wouldn’t mind. She had been after Him for decades and while it was ultimately His choice to betray me with her, I have no doubt that she put every ounce of seductive talent at her disposal into helping Him make that choice.”

Aro pleased me with a little laugh and a nod of his elegant head. “We do, however, have the problem of what to do about Alice. Since she does not know that you are dying, she broke the law. She promised to change you, instead she left you alive with knowledge of us. Do you have any suggestions on how we deal with her?”

“I presume you would rather not have to destroy her so I suggest you decide to send Demitri to look for her to answer the charge after a few months. She’ll see him coming and move somewhere and they can play cat and mouse for a while. Then you could decide to contact Carlisle and inform him that you require him to present Alice to you. Given that her visions will prove to be accurate, you could allow her to serve as part of your guard for a period of, say ten years. But remember that although the vision may be accurate, the interpretation of the event may not be so clear cut because just like a photograph it is a mere snapshot and could well be being seen without any context. I know you cannot allow someone to get away with flouting the law, but in the case of the Cullens, you would catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. I’m sure you know what I mean.”

“An excellent thought” Aro agreed. “I must remember to see to that at some point. I note that you never mention young Edward’s name.”

“No, it hurts that I can love someone so much, no matter how much or often he hurts me. I would give my everything for him. I deserve a man, not a boy, who would do the same for me.”

“You do, Isabella, you do” Aro agreed with me.

I watched Aro’s car quietly move back down the street as I fingered the card he gave me with his contact details. Aro thought I might change my mind as my death got closer and ask to be changed instead. He was wrong. I was more likely to ring up asking if he could send something for me to take to hasten my departure and if he baulked I would just say that I had started to talk in my delirium so had to be sure that I didn’t reveal any secrets to anyone listening who might not be in the know. 

Aro’s visit had made me think more about Him. I had no doubt that Aro spoke the truth about what he knew of Him. If Aro thought that I was the most important thing in the world to Him, then I was. So why did He leave me to go off with Tanya? Was He so sure that he was right and the risk to my soul really that crucial to him? Having discovered love with me, did He think that he couldn’t face eternity alone and so decide to settle on Tanya who had been throwing herself at him for decades? I didn’t know who I would feel the most sympathy for if that were the case: myself, Him or the blonde bombshell.


	2. Aro's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What Aro thinks about Bella's illness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little one this time. I hope you enjoy it none-the-less.

“Master, begging your pardon for questioning your decisions, but why did you leave the human girl alive? Although my powers do not work on her I could just go and snap her neck if you did not wish to sully your hands on her” Jane was vexed as well as mystified.

“Dear Jane, be at peace. Isabella Swan is of no danger to us. You know that there are some people that I like, some that I admire; there are even those that I respect. But there are few that I like, admire and respect: Isabella Swan is one of them. Carlisle Cullen used to head that august list, but now, now I am not so sure.”

As Jane nodded her head deferentially to me, I did not need to touch her to read her mind: she thought that I was losing mine. Perhaps I was, but there was something about Isabella Swan that made me want to protect her. It seemed that I too had fallen under her spell.

“As for that son of Carlisle” I said half to myself, “I do like him, I even admire him a little, but I have absolutely no respect for him what so ever. Jane, dear, Isabella wants young Edward to live, so that is what will happen, but I would have no objection if you wished to make him hurt just a little.” I knew that Jane would look forward to her next meeting with Edward Cullen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're in the UK, please, please take care. To everyone, stay safe.


	3. Alice's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alice realises that all is not as she thinks it should be and decides to do something about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think it very odd that canon Alice didn't look in on Bella in New Moon despite Edward's order; and also that Carlisle and Esme didn't ask Alice to do so to check up that all was well with her given their declared affection for her, especially since Edward was not around and wouldn't know about it. Still plot holes are there for us FF writers to take advantage of so here we go.

Something was wrong. Somewhere along the way I, or more likely Edward, had made a very bad decision. The vision I had that led to him leaving Bella yet again had not come to fruition and now it was too late for it to happen as I saw it. Something was very, very wrong and I needed to find a way to put it right.

I debated on whether or not to look for Bella’s future – something that I had not attempted for a while. Perhaps I should wait until Jasper was with me to help keep me calm.

But no sooner did I open myself to the possibility when I was hit with a vision so frightening that I was felled to my knees. I had to go to Forks immediately. Now I was glad that Jazz was out hunting with Emmett so he would not be able to pick up on my fear. Esme and Rose are so much easier to fool – Esme because she was so loving and sweet that she couldn’t bear to think of us lying to her, and Rosalie because she was just so self absorbed. I quickly packed a bag and left a note for Jasper telling him I was going out and would contact him later.

“Alice! You’re here! That was quick” Bella said as she hugged me in greeting. “I guess you had a vision and knew that I needed to see you.”

“No, I didn’t, why?” I was confused.

“I sent you an E-mail asking to see you again urgently just half an hour ago. So if you didn’t see that, why are you here?” Bella was suspicious.

“Bella, we need to get you away from here. The Volturi are on their way. You need to leave now!” I tried to get Bella to realise how urgent the situation was.

“Don’t panic Alice. They were already here and they’ve gone. Can’t you smell them? There was no need for you to rush to the rescue again. Come, sit with me while I have a drink and we can catch up and I can tell you why I E-mailed.”

I looked at Bella as I sniffed the air. How could she be so calm? The Volturi came to kill her just an hour or two ago, how did she not realise that?

Then I really looked. Yes, Bella knew that the Volturi had come to kill her but it did not worry her at all. I was right, something was very, very wrong. Bella did not look like the Bella of my memories, or even my visions other than the one this morning. This Bella looked like something was very much amiss.

“Bella, I hate to say it, but you don’t look so hot. What’s wrong with you?” I asked more in hope than expectation of getting a totally truthful answer.

“Alice, I know it’s been over four years, but did you really think that I would get over him leaving me yet again?” Bella looked at me pityingly.

I knew there was more to it than that. I would have to go fishing. “But he thought that you would take up with Jacob. You know, get married, have babies.”

Bella had a sad smile for me this time. “That was never really an option. Jake would always have known that he was second best for me, and I would always have been waiting for him to imprint and leave me. Not really a sound basis for a secure relationship. Is that why He took up with Tanya? He thought I would make do with Jake, so He would in turn make do with Tanya?”

Although I didn’t need to, I drew in a sharp breath. “How did you find out about Tanya? Edward never wanted you to know about her.”

Once again I was the recipient of her sad smile. “If He didn’t want me to know about her he shouldn’t have taken up with her. Is he happy with her? I know He doesn’t love her the way he loved me, but is there enough love that they’re happy?”

“Oh, Bella, Edward doesn’t love Tanya at all. They didn’t last very long. I’ve no idea exactly when it was over because for a few months I so angry and hated being without you and switched off all visions before they barely started for a while, but it was definitely over by the Christmas.” I hoped that it would help ease whatever painful feelings she still had for Edward but I doubted that it would help much.

“So He left me to have an affair that didn’t even last four months. What the hell was he thinking?” Bella sounded pissed.

I thought for a second and decided to tell the truth. I could only hope that she wouldn’t hate me for it.

“The day Edward left you I had a vision. You were holding a baby and had the most loving expression on your face. Charlie, Renee and Phil were there and it looked like you were all in Seattle. A Quilleute woman turned up and a second later it went blank like a wolf was involved. I looked to see more, but I only got snippets of you with this baby because a wolf was almost constantly there. We both thought that it meant that you were going to change your mind and pick Jacob and that it was your baby that you were with. I’m sorry, but we really thought that it was going to happen.”

I looked at Bella and thought that I had never seen such a look of devastation on anyone’s face before. It was worse than when we left the first time.

“That morning mom ‘phoned to tell me she was pregnant – she couldn’t wait until she came up for the wedding to spread the news. She also told me that she and Phil were moving to Seattle because they were both offered jobs for the Mariners – something to do with their recruitment programme. Mom gave birth to my little sister in Seattle and I was there and I love Faith dearly. Charlie often visits. He and Sue Clearwater - who he was just dating when Faith was born feel as if they are part of the family. Quilleute custom dictates that family of family is family. Connections, no matter how distant, are acknowledged. Seth wanted to play the role of big brother to Faith since he is the little brother to Leah and me. He imprinted on Faith at her first birthday party: hence the wolf connection.”

I was stunned. Both Edward and I had seen the vision, although Edward had only seen short snippets, and we both misinterpreted it to make something of it that it wasn’t and hurt, no, devastated Bella yet again. I didn’t know what I could say to make it better. I was, for the first time that I could remember, completely speechless.

“So because you had a vision of me holding a baby you and He decided what it meant without even having the decency to talk to me about it. And I was so looking forward to sharing the news with him. But when I turned up to meet Him, instead of telling him my news you gave me his letter dumping me. 

“I wondered why you appeared to be angry, I thought that I must be mistaken or that it was Him you were angry with and not me. Now I know, you, like Him, had tried and convicted me on the flimsiest of evidence. So I got to try to exist without him again, He shacks up with some sex bomb while I die a virgin. Well, that’s not going to happen. If He can have an affair that was over within four months, then so can I. If He can give his virginity to someone other than the love of his existence, then so can I. 

“Well Alice, thank you for your honesty, it’s a pity that it’s way too late to make much difference, but at least now I know. You would have thought that so called intelligent vampires would have learned from the first time they made snap judgements about me based on one of your visions. It really was never that I was not good enough for Him, it was always you lot that are just not good enough. Carlisle must be so proud of you – not. Goodbye, Alice.”

Bella looked me as if I was the lowest of the low, and I felt like it. I was bursting to ask about the Volturi’s visit but I knew that Bella would no longer give me the time of day. I had to try to find Edward. He needed to know the truth and perhaps he could put things right for Bella. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't you think Bella had every right to be angry? I would have been fuming and I wouldn't have been as nice as Bella.
> 
> Stay safe for yourself and your loved ones.


	4. Edward's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edward turns up to visit Bella, still convinced that he is a soulless monster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does anyone know who told Edward that vampires have no soul and are doomed to hell once they meet their final death in the books? There is so much I want to do with that idea. Maybe Bella will get her chance later on.
> 
> I hope you enjoy.

I didn’t know if I would reach Forks in time or if Bella had done as she threatened and taken a lover - there would, no doubt, be plenty of candidates since there were always young men sniffing around Bella. In any case, it did not matter. I had betrayed our love in the worst way, denying Bella on the grounds of so called morality and then giving my body to another. I deserved every bad thing that I had coming to me. I only hoped that I would, eventually, be able to persuade Bella to forgive me and take me back. I would change her there and then if it would help win her back to me, even though, monster that I am, I did not deserve such an angel to love me.

I finally realised that I was not a soulless monster as I had previously thought; rather I was an arrogant, soul destroying monster. I had once again broken the woman that I loved thinking that I was doing it for her, despite having given my word to not do that again. It seemed as though I was incapable of learning from my mistakes, but somehow I had to, and had to find a way to convince Bella that I had learned.

And I needed to find out about Aro’s visit. Alice said that he turned up with Demitri, Jane and Felix with the intention of either changing her and making her join their guard, or killing her. I would never have been able to forgive myself if they had succeeded. I had assumed that the Volturi would just send Demitri after Bella and he would not be able to find her since I thought that she would be living in La Push, her scent overpowered by the odour of wolf, and Demitri could not track her. It never occurred to me that all they had to do was to turn up at her house which Aro would know about from my memories and she would be there waiting. When will I learn? True it has always been dangerous for Bella to be with me and my family, but being without us is no less dangerous for her.

I thought about the Bella in Alice’s memory of her visit. There really was something seriously amiss with Bella. She was twenty-three but she looked older. Could me leaving her again have done that to her? She wasn’t the apathetic zombie from the time I left in her senior year, but she did not look like she enjoyed life, rather it was something for her to get through. I really had cocked it up. Was it at all possible that even she could forgive the contemptible fiend that I had yet again proved to be one more time?

I pulled into Bella’s street and parked across from her house. It was the same house that I spent so many nights in Bella’s room but there had been much work done to brighten it up.  
Bella was in: I could hear her heart beat and taste the scent of her blood. But it was subtly different from before. It was undoubtedly Bella, but it was different.

With trepidation I knocked on the door.

“Edward! I knew I would see you at some point. I admit that I thought it would be a few days ago, but hey, better late than never I suppose. You had better come in, I don’t want any of my neighbours catching sight of you looking exactly the same as before” Bella greeted me clearly not at all uneasy about my visit. But then why should she be, she had done nothing for which she needed to apologise?

“There are no words to say how sorry I am Bella” I tried to apologise. “I know I have no right to ask, but is there any chance that you could forgive me and take me back? I would do anything you ask of me, anything, if it would help make up to you for what I did.”

Bella looked at me and she was angry. I had never seen that expression on her face before, it was real soul deep anger directed at me.

“You don’t even know what you did, but, being a trifle vengeful, I would love to hear how you try to justify yourself to me this time since you can’t use that old chestnut about it being safer for me without you.”

“Bella, I love you, I have always loved you and I always will. Everything I have done was with the intention of being better for you” I tried to explain.

“Was shacking up with that sex bomb on what was supposed to be our wedding day done with the intention of being better for me?” she was cynically disbelieving. “I don’t think so. That one was purely, or not so purely, for your own benefit.” 

I didn’t know how to answer because although she was right, she was also wrong, it was also for her benefit that I did it.

Before I could formulate a response I heard the thoughts and smelt the odour of one of the wolves. “A wolf is on his way here” I said.

“Oh, good. Listen, I have to go somewhere. I’ll be back by eight tonight if you still want to talk, but I know that you’re not going to hear anything that you’ll like especially if you think that there is some magic formula that will make it as if the past four and a half years did not happen. I think you probably do need to hear it though but it’s your choice. Bye” and she left without even asking me to lock up behind myself.

“Hey Em, where’s Seth? I thought he was taking me” I heard her ask Embry as they got into her car. The Range Rover that I bought for her when the original car that I arranged to loan as part of our wedding agreement had to be returned and I hadn’t wanted to leave her without transport. I thought she would sell the car as soon as she could and buy something that she knew I would hate to think of her driving.

“Nar, he got delayed. Charlie is driving him to Renee’s a little later so I offered to take you so you can visit for a while.”

I didn’t make out what Bella whispered to Embry, but I caught the thoughts going through Embry’s mind and guessed what she had said.

Embry was Bella’s lover. Embry was giving me a replay of their relationship in all its glory. Oh I could tell that they were not in love, but they were definitely friendly lovers and the pain was astonishing. I couldn’t bear that Bella had had to live with this pain, thinking of me with Tanya, until Alice told her that it was over. How had she remained standing? Did this account for the aged appearance? Bella had thought that I was with Tanya out of choice. I, at least, knew that Bella was with Embry as pay back. There had been no others before him.

Was Bella going to tell me that she was keeping Embry as her lover? Was that one of the things that she thought I would not like to hear? Even if it was, it made no difference, I deserved that I should suffer the pain of knowing she was with her lover. I still wanted whatever I could get from her.

I would be Bella’s slave if it meant I got to spend time with her.

I wandered around the house noticing the differences.

Bella clearly slept in the master room. There was the whiff of Embry in there too. This was the location for their trysts. I looked in the room that used to be Bella’s. It was decorated so that a young girl would be happy to sleep there. Faith apparently slept in there when she stayed with Bella. There was no trace of the room that it was when Bella occupied it except for the windows. Even the tree that used to be just outside one of the windows was gone.

The whole house appeared to be lighter, more modern. There was no clutter and no excess furniture. It was clearly the home of a single person. 

I wondered where Charlie lived. Alice told me when Bella E-mailed to let her know that Charlie was marrying Sue Clearwater, Seth and Leah’s mother. I envied Bella her relationship with Seth. I liked him, but I knew that when I left Bella I was leaving his and my friendship behind too. He had his loyalties and I had no intention of testing them. But if I could somehow get Bella back into my life was there a chance that I could try to rekindle our friendship? I decided to be optimistic.

Bella’s home ‘phone rang. Angela Webber’s voice left a message;

“Hi Bella. I just wanted to wish you luck today. I know you’re not hopeful but I’ve still got my fingers crossed for you. Give me a ring if you want to talk, any time, day or night. If I don’t hear from you, I’ll call in later in the week and we can have hot chocolate fudge sundaes. Love you, friend.”

So, something was happening today. Was Bella going for a job interview or something? Was she in some sort of trouble?

Bella said that she would be back by eight: in fact she turned up just after five. Embry brought her back but the tone of his thoughts was completely different. ‘How can I be so happy while Bella has to deal with all this shit?’ he thought.

What shit? I wondered.

“Do you want to use my car?” Bella asked Embry.

“Won’t he mind?” Embry asked referring, I assumed, to me.

“Doesn’t matter if he does. It’s my car and I say you can borrow it if you want” Bella retorted.

“Thanks, Bells. I’ll return it tonight. I am sorry about your, you know. Do you think that there is any chance he will, you know, now?”

“Doesn’t matter if he would. Why would I want it now?” They were talking about becoming an immortal. But why wouldn’t she want it now?

“Maybe things will be different now. But anyway, you need to talk to him” Embry offered.

“I know. I’ll talk to you when you get back. Let me know how it goes. I don’t care how late it is. Thanks for the drive home. I don’t think I could have stayed with either Renee or Charlie. Good luck tonight.”

“Thanks Bells. You too.”

I could see through his mind the kiss they exchanged as Bella exited the car. It was not loverlike, more like they were very close friends. Had my arrival made the difference or was I giving myself more importance than I warranted?

Bella reached the front door to her home just as I opened it.

“Oh, you decided to stay then, I did wonder” Bella sounded tired.

“Can I get you something while you freshen up after your journey?” I asked thinking that the old Bella would have declined my offer.

“Thanks, could you pour me a coffee from the pot. A dollop of cream with it, please.”

Since when did Bella drink coffee? And when did she start allowing people to wait on her in her own home? Something was definitely very wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Bella had a fling with the unimprinted wolf Embry. At least Bella knew that he wouldn't fall in love with her - imagine the potential for yuckyness if she had chosen Mike Newton!
> 
> Please everyone, stay safe.


	5. Bella's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now it's Bella's turn to tell some truths.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So very sorry for anyone for whom this causes upset for any reason. It is a sad fact of life that bad things happen to good people; and that good people make bad decisions.

I took a deep breath as I sat down, waiting for Him to bring me my coffee. I knew that I shouldn’t expect someone to wait on me in my own home but I felt so tired. Besides, He had always liked to feel useful before so it was fairly safe to assume that he probably didn’t mind it now. In any case, I didn’t really care what He thought about it.

“Here” He handed me my mug. “Are you going to tell me what’s going on, Bella? I know something is not right with you: I mean beyond me turning up just over a week after the Volturi arrived and you finding out why I really left you.”

“Again, despite your promise” I was snide.

“Yes, again, despite my promises to you to never fail you, never leave you again. But you had to know that I did it because I thought you were going to leave me for Jacob and I wanted to make it easier for you, so you didn’t have to feel the guilt that I knew you would have done” He pathetically tried to justify.

“But you were wrong. I was not going to leave you. I told you that you were the one that couldn’t live without, you just didn’t trust my word; just as you never trusted my word about anything” I pointed out.

“Bella, I saw the pain that leaving him caused you. I had never seen you suffer so much agony as I did that night. How could I not think that you would regret your choice?” and I wondered how I could love a man who had so little faith in my word.

“Because not all those tears were for Jake. Some of them were for the fact that a friend had been severely injured defending me and would have been the same no matter who was hurt, except for maybe Leah or Paul. Some of them were for the fact that I had just broken my best friend’s heart. Some were even for me, for the thought that I might never see my best friend, my sun who had saved my sanity and my life when you were not here. And, of course, there was the guilt of thinking of my own pain at such a time. And then, a lot of the tears, they were for the pain I had caused you by my mishandling of the Jacob issue” I explained.

“But you never said” he tried to justify.

“I tried to talk about it, explain how I felt about it all, make my apologies for the pain that I had caused you the next day but you insisted that it didn’t matter. All that mattered, you said, was that we loved each other.”

“I’m sorry, I never thought. I assumed ...”

“And we know what happens when you assume, especially when you make assumptions about me, but it never stopped you did it? Besides, other than that night, I had felt worse pain, much, much worse. The thing is, you were not here to see it when I felt it before, or the time after that. I felt worse pain when you left me. I would have thought that you could have understood that from others’ memories” I reminded him.

I heard Him make a deep sigh. “I am so sorry Bella. I rather assumed that others’ memories were tinged a little by dislike for me, exaggerated if you will. I hate that I caused you so much pain. It was never my intention to hurt you.”

“Yet you did. So why did you take up with Tanya immediately after dumping me? You had to know what that would do to me.”

“Yes, but it never occurred to me that you would find out. How did you?” He evaded the question.

I looked at my hands as I replied. “On what was supposed to be our wedding day I went to your house hoping to speak to you, to find out what was really going on. I couldn’t believe that you really didn’t want to change me so much that you would end everything between us and risk the Volturi finding me. I found Rosalie. She told me that you were no longer in Forks and had asked everyone not to give me your new ‘phone number. So I begged her to call you so that I could speak to you, hear from your voice that it really was over. She put a call through on speaker. I think it was Kate who answered. She said something about you being unable to answer your ‘phone because you and Tanya were busy banging away like jack rabbits and she had no idea when you were coming up for air. She made a comment about you making up for what would have happened if you had gone ahead and married your little human pet. I guessed that you had decided you didn’t want me after all but wanted to have a relationship built on equality. So since that wasn’t it, why did you take up with her?” I asked again, only now I looked at Him.

I had clearly changed. Once upon a time I would have done everything in my power to remove the look of absolute agony on His face. Now I just waited patiently for him to answer me.

“She never said, neither of them ever said anything. Rosalie just said that you returned the ring. I am so sorry. So sorry that what was supposed to be the happiest day of your life turned into one of the worst. I cannot see how even you could forgive that insult” He stated something that I thought was fairly obvious: no one could forgive such an insult.

I continued to look at Him. I couldn’t even summon the energy to raise a questioning brow. He knew what I was waiting for: what I deserved.

“I didn’t know how long it would take Jacob to come home once he heard the news so guessed it would be a while before you would get together with him. I didn’t know how I would be able to make sure that I didn’t return and beg you to take me back, to stay with me. When Tanya did her usual trick of throwing her sexuality at me I decided that would keep me away. I used her to make sure that I did not return to you. You would never know, or so I thought, but I would and the guilt would be enough to keep me away, at least until I knew you were safely married to him.”

“You were burning your boats” I realised.

“Yes.”

“What about Tanya? How does she feel about being used for however long it took for you to get it out of your system?” I morbidly asked.

“It lasted less than two days. I don’t know if Tanya is ever going to forgive me, or give up. She thinks that once I have gotten over my guilt, which is, she assumes, why I ended it, I will return to her.”

“You gave her hope” I understood Tanya.

“Yes. Even though I told her that there was no hope, she still believes” He sounded completely perplexed.

“I know how she feels. Your actions speak louder than your words. It doesn’t matter what your words said about loving me, your actions say otherwise. It doesn’t matter what your words said about not wanting her, your actions say you do” I explained something that should be so obvious.

I never thought that I would feel sorry for Tanya Denali, but I did. Perhaps he will go back to her once I was dead. I asked him.

“What? No! Never! I love you. Now that I know that you are not living the life I wanted for you, the one I thought you were living, I am going to hang around trying to persuade you to give me another chance. And although my actions may have said otherwise, I will not exist if you are not living. So however long you have left, fifty, sixty years, I am going to be near you, loving you, always hoping that one day you learn to trust me again” He sounded as earnest as he ever did.

I looked at him, wondering if now was the time for the next revelation. It wouldn’t be long before Charlie turned up so I decided to get it over and done with.

“I have less than six months” I said blandly.

“What? What do you mean you have less than six months?” He was stunned.

“I am dying. That is why Aro decided to let me live. I have less than six months. Can’t you smell it? And to think that if only you had stayed with me, I could have either been changed, or I could have been diagnosed earlier and successfully treated. But you left me, only to kill me. Don’t you think that is funny?” I was a trifle sarcastic.

I had never seen a vampire go into shock. But I had no doubt that that was what He had done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're still reading, I hope your christmas is peaceful and that you and yours are well.


	6. Charlie's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie will do anything to keep Bella alive for as long as possible - even use a computer!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't imagine that there is very much that is more painful for a parent than the know that their child is dying. It doesn't matter how old they are, or what the cause is, it is something that the parent will do almost anything to fight.

We had just waved Bella and Embry off on their way back to Forks. Renee and I went back into her home to talk for a while.

“She means it, doesn’t she?” Renee said. “She’s not going to try any more treatment, is she?”

“No. She wants to enjoy what little time she has. She doesn’t want to spend it as sick as a dog” I replied, and then whispered “Sorry Seth” so that my step son could hear, but not my first wife.

Seth glanced over at me with a little grin of acceptance.

“Do you think we should try to trace Edward?” Renee asked.

I looked at Seth who had the same shaken expression that I thought I probably had. “Why do you suggest that?” I asked.

“I don’t pretend to know what really happened between the two of them, but I do know that that boy loved our daughter beyond anything, he adored her, and she felt the same. If he can bring her some happiness in these last days then that’s what I want for her. After all, it doesn’t exactly matter if them being together is dangerous for her now, does it?” Renee said.

I was again sure that the shocked expression on Seth’s face mirrored my own. “What do you mean by that Renee?” I asked.

“There is only one thing that would have made Edward leave Bella and that’s Bella’s safety. He, well the whole family, are in the witness protection programme aren’t they? It’s something to do with the mafia, I’m sure, and I think that Edward was concerned that their cover could be blown and that it would put Bella in the firing line.”

Renee was very childlike in many ways, but that often meant that she saw to the heart of matters. While she had got hold of the wrong end of the stick completely, she was as close to the truth as anyone could be who wasn’t in the know.

“Why do you say that, Renee?” Seth asked.

“Because I overheard Jake ask about the ‘Italian killers’ and Bella said that she hoped that the Cullens had worked out a way to make sure she wasn’t traced. That’s when I knew what the big secret was and my heart broke for both of them.”

I was driving back to Forks with Seth.

“I was thinking that I might try to trace Dr Cullen. What do you think, son? He is a brilliant doctor and if anyone can do anything to save Bella then it’s him” I said.

“That sounds like a good idea. I wouldn’t mention it to Leah, though, or Jake. Leave it to Jake to make the suggestion himself and let him take the flack from Leah. Mom will probably try to be neutral” Seth replied.

“Good advice. I’ll go straight to the station. I’m sure you’ll have no trouble in getting yourself home. Don’t go and see Bells, you can keep nothing from her if she asks you” I said with a small grin.

I closed myself in my office to do something that I really was not very good at: I Google searched on the internet. I wanted to get onto the web page of the AMA. Luckily I had to speak to real person rather than a machine to find the information I needed. I just had to wait a minute while my badge number was verified and the very helpful young woman said that the list of all currently practicing Dr Carlisle Cullen’s in the US would be E-mailed to me shortly. 

Seven minutes later I was looking at the list of four Dr Carlisle Cullens.

One was in Santa Fe and had been there for fifteen years: him I eliminated.

Another was in South Carolina and had been there for five years: he was not likely so I would only chase if the others didn’t pan out.

A possible was in Milwauki and had been there for just six months.

And the final one was in Norwich, upstate New York, having been there for three years: I would try him first.

Dr Cullen in Norwich was not on duty; but when pressed his admin support agreed to contact Dr Cullen with a message to call Police Chief Swan of Forks, Washington as a matter of some urgency. I wasn’t able to find out if this was the right Dr Cullen because the admin wouldn’t give any personal information out, not even if Dr Cullen’s wife was called Esme.

I tried the Dr Cullen in Milwauki. He was definitely not the right one. This Carlisle Cullen lived with his lover, one of the male nurses called Jason.

I was debating whether to call the Dr Cullen in South Carolina or to wait until I heard from the one in Norwich when my personal mobile rang. Although I had caller ID the number was not recognised. That struck me as the sort of thing that the Cullens would ensure as a matter of course.

“Swan” I answered abruptly.

“Chief Swan, this is Esme Cullen. Carole just rang with a message for Carlisle to call you. I’m afraid he’s not in at the moment and he left his mobile at home. I’m expecting him back within the next few hours but I just didn’t want to wait: tell me, please, is it Bella? Is Bella alright?”

At least I knew I had the right Dr Cullen. “I think it would be best if I speak to the doctor direct. He would know all the technical terms. It can wait a few hours.”

“Should we return to Forks?” Esme asked, almost fearfully.

“That would depend on what Dr Cullen decides after we’ve spoken. Mrs Cullen ...”

“Call me Esme, please. We were almost in-laws” she interrupted.

“Mrs Cullen” I wanted to be clear that I didn’t expect us to get too friendly, “I think you should know that I married Sue Clearwater and my step daughter, Leah, has to have the shortest temper of anyone I have ever met” I hinted that I knew what they were.

There was a couple of seconds of silence before she spoke again. “Chief, I have tried to contact Edward but he is not answering his ‘phone. He went to see Bella earlier today.”

I drew in a sharp breath. What were the odds that the day I decide to contact a Cullen, he decides to visit Bella? “I’m on my way to Bella’s. If he’s there I’ll tell him to call you.”

“Thank you, Chief Swan, I would appreciate that. I will get Carlisle to call you as soon as possible. I do hope that Bella turns out to be alright. Please give her my love.”

I didn’t want to say that I would do as she asked since it was within her ability to call Bella herself. If she was as fond of Bella as she used to act, then she would have stayed in touch and she would know exactly what was happening. I just grunted my farewell.

Once I got to Bella’s house there was a surprise waiting for me: Seth and, from what I could make out, two wolves in the woods.

“Edward is in there with Bella” Seth said, straight to the point. “He knows we’re out here. He said he’s staying until Bella tells him to leave. She’s asleep now.”

“Thanks, Seth. Go home now; all of you go home, please. I’ll speak to you later” I ordered.

Seth gave a nod and left. I waited for a few seconds to be as sure as I could be that the other two had also gone.

I opened Bella’s front door. A quick glance later I saw Edward Cullen standing at the top of the stairs. Although I knew what he was, it was still a shock to see him exactly as he was when I last saw him. I realised then that getting Bella’s agreement was going to be the hardest part of my plan.

“What do you mean?” he asked quietly. “Why would her agreement be the hardest part, and of what plan?”

“Sorry, didn’t realise I spoke that out loud” I said as I made my way upstairs. “Has she eaten anything since she got home?”

“No. I was wondering when to wake her to eat. She got back about five, had a coffee, filled me in on some home truths and went to sleep before six. I laid her on her bed so she would be more comfortable than the sofa. What plan, Chief Swan” he asked again.

“Listen, call your mother. I’ll talk to you later. For now, I want you to leave so I can talk to Bella without you listening. Come back in the morning” I tried to order him.

“I’ll wake her to let her know that I’m leaving so she can talk to you privately. I’ll be back in an hour so she’s not left alone. I don’t mind being here while she sleeps” he countered me.

“Yeah, I know. She confessed that you often used to spend the night in her room while she slept. She said she slept better knowing you were there.”

I saw the ghost of a smile flicker across his face as he turned to go into Bella’s room and I followed.

“Bella. Bella, love, your dad’s here. Can you wake up?”

“Uh! How long was I out?”

“Nearly two hours. Charlie says you need to eat and he wants to talk to you privately. Do you want me to fix something before I leave you for an hour?”

“No, thanks. There’s some microwaveable meals in the freezer. We’ll be fine” Bella calmly replied.

“Okay, I’ll be back in an hour. If you need me to stay away longer or return sooner, call me.”

“I don’t have your number, remember.” I was sure I saw a flicker of pain cross his face at that reminder.

“I’ll leave it on the pad by your ‘phone.” He looked like he was about to bend down to kiss Bella before he changed his mind and straightened up, and with a nod to us both left the room. A second later, a gentle breeze and we had the house to ourselves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Charlie. My sincere sympathies go to any parent who is having to face that fight. The pain won't end; all you can do is to make room for it so you can carry on.
> 
> Stay safe so that you cherish and protect your loved ones.


	7. Bella's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bella talks to her dad about her wish not to change.

I wasn’t sure why Charlie wanted to speak to me privately, but I thought it was probably to ask me to try chemo again. He wouldn’t want to have to say goodbye to his little girl permanently and he would do anything to put off that evil day.

“Let’s get something for the pair of us to eat” he said as he helped me rise from my bed, not that I needed it at the moment. “Your mother’s cooking hasn’t improved over the years and I feel real sorry for that little girl of hers.”

I grinned in response. Faith had developed her own way of dealing with Renee’s cooking: she refused to eat it and Renee was forced to feed her daughter pre-prepared children’s foods. At least Faith was getting a reasonably well balanced diet.

As soon as two portions of lasagne were in the microwave I said “I’m resigning my job on Monday. I have a little leave outstanding and when I explain I’m sure they’re not going to hold me to the full month’s notice and let me just work the week.”

“Oh, good. But why work the week?” Charlie asked.

“Just because my life is about to end it doesn’t mean it has to for anyone else. People will still want to use the library so someone still has to be there. Karen wants to increase her hours now that her kids are older so it could work out quite well” I was thinking out loud.  
Charlie continued to look at me while I avoided the subject that I was sure he wanted to raise. I fiddled with my food, knowing I should eat more so forced as much as I could into my stomach, chasing it down with cold milk, until I couldn’t take it anymore.

“I didn’t tell you but last week Alice came for a visit. It didn’t last long, we had an argument. I didn’t tell her what was wrong with me, but she guessed that something was. She told Him” I started the difficult conversation.

“Did you tell him everything?” Charlie asked.

“Just that I had less than six months to live and if he had stayed with me he could have recognised that I was ill in time for me to be successfully treated even if he hadn’t changed me. I fell asleep while he was digesting that little bit of bitterness” I answered with the bitterness still shining through.

“Will he change you now?” Charlie asked.

“Doesn’t matter. I don’t want to be changed now. It’s too late” I stated clearly.

“I don’t want to lose you, Bells. And I’m sure that there are others who feel the same way” I could hear the pleading Charlie probably hoped he was hiding.

“Not the Quileute, especially the wolves. If He changed me I would become one of their mortal enemies. It might be years before I could see you again, and do you think mom could leave it as a need to know situation? And dad, those Italians, they would kill her and probably Faith and Phil too because we both know she could not keep a secret to save, well literally, to save her own life.”

I looked at Charlie as he digested my words. He knew Renee as well as I did. There was no way she could ever know about the supernatural world. I sighed; as Seth’s imprint Faith would one day know everything and the thought that I could, one day, see her again once she had been told all about the supernatural world was very appealing. 

There was a knock at the door. It was a little too early for it to be Him again. He would be here one hour to the second. It was Jake.

“Hey, Charlie” he said glancing at my dad, half like the young man he is and half like the Chief of the Quileute, so divided he looked. “Is He staying long? Are the rest of them coming back?” the Chief part took over.

Charlie took umbrage at me being interrogated in my own home and was about to remonstrate before I stopped him with a touch to his hand. “I have no idea, to answer both your questions” I said.

“Well, if he changes his mind and makes you one of them I want to make sure that the family take you away from here so that you are no danger to the population. Their house here is too close to the town and passing hikers” Jake said with a hard look.

I don’t know who was most surprised, Charlie or me.

“Are you saying you would be okay with him changing me?” I asked. “Won’t it break the treaty and mean war?” It wouldn’t alter my decision, but I was curious.

“You’re not a random target. You know exactly what you would be getting yourself into so I would allow you to be a one off exception. But you have to know that if you killed a human, it would break the treaty, there’s no geographic limit to it. Kill a human and you had better make sure that you never come within range of the Quileute wolf or we will destroy you. As soon as you know their plans, let me know, please, so we can prepare.” Jacob nodded to Charlie and left as abruptly as he came.

“Well that’s one barrier out of the way” Charlie said.


	8. Edward's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edward proves that he is an idiot with no real understanding of the woman he says he loves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I admit that I may have gone a little overboard with the Edward being an idiot line, but he is!

“She said she has less than six months to live” I told Esme.

“So that’s why Charlie wants to speak to Carlisle” Esme told me about her and Charlie’s ‘phone conversation.

So Charlie obviously knew what I was now, and while I wasn’t his favourite person, he wanted either myself or Carlisle to save Bella in the way that only we could. But he thought that persuading Bella to agree would be the hardest part, and he thought that it was obvious, but I couldn’t see it. 

Bella had always wanted to be one of us, why would that have changed to the extent that Charlie thought that it would be near impossible? I needed more information.

I was on my way back to Bella’s when I caught the sound of Jacob’s thoughts. He was waiting for me.

“As long as Bella wants me to be here” I said in reply. “It’s possible that more of my family will come here but we will be keeping mainly to our house: we don’t want to be seen by any of the townsfolk. Charlie seems to think that Bella won’t want to be changed now so some of your concerns might be moot, but if we did, then we would probably go to our home in Alaska for a year: it is very remote. I have no idea why Bella would not want to be changed, especially now. You have always been able to understand her, better than me in some ways, do you know?”

Jacob just gave an amused snort, called me a stupid blood sucker, told me to be in touch when I knew what was happening and ran off, laughing all the while in his mind.

Exactly one hour after I had left, I knocked on Bella’s back door. Charlie let me in. I could smell that Bella was in the living room. The doors were closed.

“I’m glad we have this opportunity for a few words” Charlie said. “I want you to change your mind and agree to make Bella like you. I’ve been trying to reach your father to ask him. Don’t worry, I don’t know everything, just enough to get by, and I don’t want to know any more than I absolutely need to. Will you do it?”

I liked that he got straight to the point. “If Bella wants me to I will” I replied.

“Aye, well, yes. That will be a problem. At least Jake is okay with it provided you make sure that it’s safe” Charlie said.

“I spoke to Jacob before I got here. Why will it be a problem for Bella?” I asked, hoping that Charlie would be able to offer the insight that I so lacked.

Charlie looked very shifty for a while. Then I caught the sound of Bella rising from her seat. Just before the door opened, Charlie said “That’s something that you’ll need to take up with her. But I wanted to be sure that you’ll play your part.”

“What are you two whispering about?” Bella wasn’t happy.

“I just told your dad that I talked to Jacob on the way here. I told Jacob that more of my family may be arriving but we will be staying in the house as much as possible because we don’t want to be seen; but as for how long we’re here for, well that depends on you. Perhaps we could talk about it tomorrow?” I hoped I appeared sincere.

“Bells, I’m going home now. Come for lunch tomorrow but I’m afraid you’re” and he looked at me “not invited.”

I gave a half smile. He now knew that I didn’t eat human food and I wasn’t allowed on the reservation.

As soon as the door closed behind Charlie Bella gave me a look that I knew meant that I wasn’t going to like what she was about to say.

“How many times has lying to me turned out to be a good thing for you to do?” I was right, I didn’t like it.

“None that I can think of” I replied resignedly.

“Then why did you do it just now? Do you want me to spend the rest of my life trying to work out what were your truths and which your lies?” she asked.

And I knew that I had metaphorically shot myself in my foot. Bella did not trust me. I had just given her another reason to not trust me. When will I learn?

“Charlie asked me if I would change you. He said he knows the basic details about what I am and would rather not know any more. I said I would change you if you wanted me to and that I had just spoken with Jacob. I was about to say the things that I said to you.” I hoped that was enough to allow her to forget that I lied at the start.

“You don’t need to worry about your precious scruples, I don’t want you to change me anymore” Bella offered nonchalantly.

“Why not when you wanted it so much before?” I asked desperately.

“Because I wanted to spend eternity with you as your equal, your mate. Now it is an impossibility, we could never be equals, and I don’t think we could be mates anymore, and why would I want to spend eternity with people who I couldn’t trust as far as even I could throw them?”

I didn’t know which of the points was the greatest barrier, but at least I understood the latter one. “What do you mean we could now never be equals or mates?”

Bella looked at me as if I was stupid, matching her expression to Jacob’s thoughts. “You are seventeen and gorgeous, I am twenty-three and a wreck. I could just imagine the comments I would get about cradle snatching, being called Mrs Robinson. Ugh! The thought of having to put up with that for eternity is horrendous.”

“You seriously think age is that important? Carlisle is three years younger than Esme and that has never made any difference to them.”

“Because Esme still looks like she is his equal. I look about ten years older than you and am not your physical equal and now never could be. If you had changed me when you and Carlisle promised, then I could have been your equal, or at least near as dammit. Now I would just look like some crazy older woman lusting after a young man. Your arguments about when or if to change me have always been about how you would feel. You never considered how I would feel. Call me silly, but I don’t want to be in a relationship where my feelings are not considered or respected.”

I tried to look at things from Bella’s perspective but how could I? Everything I had done had been for her, to give to her or to spare her.

She read my expression. “You made me go to prom when you knew I didn’t want to, you left me because you decided that it would be better for me, despite what I knew to be the truth, you got me that awful car to drive despite knowing that I hated to be the centre of attention and much preferred the Range Rover that you no doubt exchanged my original ‘after’ car for, but that respect for what I would prefer came only after you ended our relationship, you lie to me, and to top it off, despite what happened the first time you did it, you left me again. You say that you do these things for me, but you don’t, that’s an excuse to make you feel better and have nothing at all to do with how I feel about things” Bella explained her viewpoint.

What could I say to so obvious a truth? I didn’t listen to what she said she wanted. I brushed her off with the excuse that I was older and therefore knew more about things than she, and, because I had been reading human minds for decades, I knew more about humans than she. I did not take into account the fact that I could not read Bella’s mind and her views and reactions were a constant surprise to me so she therefore clearly knew more about herself than I.

I love Bella with everything that I am, but I had never treated her like the woman I love and because of that, she had no confidence that I ever would; and that did not take into account the devastation caused by my relationship with Tanya. It really was going to be an almost impossible task to get Bella to agree to being changed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good wishes to you and yours for a better 2021 than 2020. Please stay safe.


	9. Carlisle's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carlisle's thoughts as he discovers what happened to Bella.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know some of you don't like stories whereby the POV changes all the time, and I hope that if this applies to you that you can still find some enjoyment from the story; but I think that it is sometimes nice to get a peek at what someone other than the main protagonists are thinking.

I was back at the jeep waiting for Jasper and Emmett. We had gone hunting together leaving Esme, Rosalie and Alice at home. Edward had gone somewhere again, Alice knew where but she said that we would find out in due course. She and Edward had had a massive falling out just a couple of hours after he had returned from his last excursion and the atmosphere between the two of them had been too painful for Jasper to deal with – hence the hunting trip.

I checked my ‘phone for messages: sometimes Esme liked to leave me one, just to let me know all was well at home but she missed me. This message wasn’t one of those: she asked me to call her as soon as possible.

As soon as we disconnected the call I took a couple of seconds to gather my thoughts before I called for Emmett and Jasper to return as loud as I could in the hope that it brought them both to my side quickly. 

“What’s up, Carlisle?” Emmett was next to me in a couple of seconds.

“As soon as Jasper is here we need to get back home. Esme is arranging for us to fly to Forks, I’ll explain in the ... Good, Jasper, let’s go.”

The three of us piled into jeep, Emmett was driving. He knew to drive as quickly as possible. We would be home in a couple of hours.

“Charlie Swan wants me to change Bella. She has cancer and has less than six months to live” I said it quickly so that I didn’t back out from making it true.

“No!” Emmett roared as he nearly crashed into a tree. “No! Lil Sis is not going to die! You’re gonna do it, you’ll change her, right?”

Before I could answer Jasper asked “How does Charlie Swan know about us?”

I chose to answer the easiest question first. “He married Sue Clearwater. He found out that the Quileute legends were true when Leah phased in front of him. Charlie is covered by the rules for the Quileute and can’t tell anyone. I don’t know how much he knows. We’ll find out when we get there and talk. Edward is with Bella now. We’ll need to talk to everyone, including the Quileute, and get all relevant information before it goes to the family vote, but Charlie thinks that it will be hard to persuade Bella to agree now. We don’t know why at this point.”

There was silence in the jeep as we three digested the information so far. There were many questions floating through my mind some of which I needed answering before I would consider Charlie Swan’s request.

“Why is Edward there now?” Emmett asked. “Does this have anything to do with the argument between him and Alice?” and he and I looked to Jasper.

“I don’t know, but I expect so” Jasper said. “She said that she felt too raw about it to talk to me straight away but I know that it is something that had been bugging her for over a week now but she had to wait until Edward returned home before she could talk to him about it first. Perhaps now she will share.”

I had the awful suspicion that I was one of the reasons that it would be hard to persuade Bella to agree to the change. I had broken my word to her despite my promise even after she had risked her life to save Edward from the Volturi - all at Edward’s request.

I made a quick call to Charlie to let him know that we would be in Forks the next day. He said that Edward had agreed to change Bella provided she wanted it too, but at the moment she was saying that she didn’t. He added that Jacob Black had talked to the Tribal Council and that it was agreed that changing Bella would not violate the treaty provided certain precautions were taken.

We got home, quickly showered and changed and were on our way to Forks. When we were all seated on the plane that Esme had chartered I asked everyone to swivel their seats so that we could talk.

When we were all seated in a rough circle I looked to Alice to tell us all she knew.

“As you know, just before the wedding I had a vision of Bella with a little baby. Charlie, Renee and Phil were there. Edward and I assumed that the baby was Bella’s and that she had changed her mind and was going to choose Jacob. Edward broke up with her that day.”

Alice stopped to give us a second to remember that little piece of context.

“As you might appreciate I was not sympathetic with Bella when I gave her Edward’s letter, blaming her for his pain, which is why she was not forthcoming in her E-mails to me. Anyway, as time went on and Bella said nothing about taking up with Jacob, or getting pregnant I realised that somehow something had gone wrong. I just started to wonder if I should look for Bella’s future when I was faced with another vision. This one was of Aro turning up at Bella’s house with Felix, Demitri and Jane to either change her and force her to join the guard or kill her if she was still mortal.”

This piece of news was enough to make us all shudder. Edward had convinced us that Bella would be safe from the Volturi. Once again he was wrong.

“I dashed to Forks as quickly as I could only to get there too late. Aro had left just hours previously. I wanted to know why she was still human but before I got an answer I asked her how she was, noting that she didn’t look so good, and the conversation ended up with me telling her why Edward left her. She was devastated, as you can imagine. Bella told me that the baby in my vision was Renee and Phil’s daughter, her little sister, Faith. Bella was so angry with both Edward and me that I couldn’t get anything else from her. The news that she has six months to live is not a surprise: Bella looked a lot older than twenty-three and a lot thinner than when we left. She looked, and smelled, very, very ill.”

Esme grabbed my hand with one of hers and raised the other to her lips to stifle the gasp of pain. I didn’t need to be a mind reader to know what she was thinking: she had let her daughter down again. We had once again listened to our first born to the detriment of our youngest. Esme didn’t blame Edward, she blamed herself. She should have blamed me.  
Emmett had his hands between his spread knees as he looked at the floor. He was also blaming himself, but probably sharing the blame with Edward. Other than Alice, Emmett had always got on best with Bella and had looked forward to her joining the family.  
Rosalie just looked out of the window with a bored expression on her face. It was a mask. Rose had always condemned Bella for wanting to be a vampire instead of making the most of her humanity. Now she had to be thinking about the fact that Bella was not destined to have long and happy life with some man, have children and grandchildren like Rosalie had always wanted for herself.

Jasper was holding Alice’s hand, trying to offer the comfort that she was in no position to receive while he thought through Alice’s words. I knew the moment he realised that there was a lot more that Alice was not saying, and would not say, at least not yet.

Our two inconspicuous, ordinary looking rental cars pulled in front of our Forks home. Edward had done a reasonable job in making it presentable given that he had probably spent most of his time with Bella.

Esme ran straight into Edward’s arms. “Oh Edward, you must be feeling devastated. How is Bella? Will she let you change her?”

“Hello, Esme, it’s good to see you, to see all of you” Edward said as he looked around us all, skirting quickly over Alice. “Bella is adamant that she does not want to be changed. I think the main problem is trust. She does not trust that there is a place for her in this family. I’m hoping to bring her over here this evening so that we can try to change her mind, “

I was sure that we could all understand why Bella would not trust us to stay with her through thick and thin. We hadn’t in the past and there was no guarantee that we would in the future.

We spent the rest of the day finishing up the house. Emmett and Jasper carried out basic maintenance to the grounds so that anyone arriving would be able to get up the drive without too much hindrance. Alice prepared a spare room thinking that if Bella did come to stay with us for a while she might not wish to sleep in Edward’s room any more.

Shortly after Edward went to Bella’s to wait until he could bring her to us Chief Swan turned up. Seth Clearwater was with him.

“I don’t want any details” Charlie said as soon as he came through the door, “I just want to know if you will do it, and if you will, I want a promise that you will not just abandon her.”

I could feel the eyes of all my family on me. “Charlie, we need to speak with Bella first before we make any decision, but, I promise that we will not abandon her at all, regardless of what is decided about changing her.”

“Hmm, I guess that will have to do for now. I’ll be back tomorrow while Bella’s at work, about ten.”

I nodded to indicate my acceptance of his words and watched as the two men drove back down our drive. I wished that Edward was with us to tell us the sub-text of Charlie’s words so we were prepared for what he would say later.

Edward brought Bella to us two hours later. With all my medical experience I could see immediately that Bella was dying and when she got close enough for me to smell clearly I fell back in shock: she was riddled with cancer. Being told that she had less than six months to live was not wrong, my best guess was that it was closer to three. We had less time than I thought to persuade Bella to join us.

Edward glanced at me in despair. He hadn’t realised that it was as bad as it was.

Esme went to give Bella a hug. Before she could make contact Bella stepped back and offered her hand. “Hello Esme, it’s nice to see you again. It didn’t take you long to get the house looking perfect once more.”

Stifling her distress Esme gently took Bella’s offered hand in both of hers. “Oh Bella, it is lovely to see you, but not in these circumstances. Why didn’t you tell us earlier what was happening?”

Bella withdrew her hand and gave a pained grimace. “Why would I think that it would be of any interest to you? Since you all decided to leave me unchanged you had to know that the Volturi would come to kill me anyway so my death was going to happen sooner rather than later whatever manner it came.”

It was said without apparent bitterness, but the simple acceptance of the facts as she saw them spoke very clearly of Bella’s view of us. Even Rosalie reacted to Bella’s words.

“We thought that the wolf stink would cover your scent so they wouldn’t be able to track you” Jasper said quietly.

“Assuming that I had done what you thought I would do, despite my words to the contrary, what would have been the response when they just stopped someone in town to ask what happened to Isabella Swan, where did she move to, that sort of thing? How many wolves would have died to try to protect me again? Really, I think you’re going to have to accept that I know that you knew I was going to die one way or another.”

I had to step in, I didn’t know if there were any words that could alter Bella’s certainty but I had to try. “Bella, these things might be obvious to you, you have always been very intuitive, but they’re not so clear to the rest of us. We believed Edward and Jasper when they said that you would be safe at the reservation.” 

Jasper wasn’t quick enough to stifle his movement of dissent. 

“Jasper knew there was a risk” Bella said looking at Jasper, as was Edward.

“Yes I knew there was a risk. But I thought it was small enough not to warrant mentioning given how you were hurting my wife and brother with your choices, or so I had thought.” 

Jasper didn’t apologise for his thoughts. He, like the rest of us, knew that there was no way that Edward was going to forget that slip, nor was Bella.

“At least you’re honest about where my safety stands in the order of priority. So that’s three of you openly happy for me to die rather than join you.”

“Three?” Edward queried.

“You, despite your agreement, Rosalie as always at least honest about it, and now Jasper” Bella shrugged.

I looked around the family. Jasper and Rosalie were keeping their faces blank. Everyone else was pained.

“Bella, please come and sit down. You shouldn’t be standing like this. You need to preserve your energy” I said trying to take Bella’s elbow to lead her to the sofa but Bella just moved ahead of me before I could touch her.

“Alice, something I meant to ask you before, why did you turn up after Aro’s visit rather than ‘phone me before he arrived if you intended to warn me?” Bella asked sweetly, the sarcastic bite not hidden at all.

“I guess it’s your connection to the wolves, but the vision wasn’t that clear, more like they are when the timing is a few days away and subject to flux.”

“Good job I don’t rely on your visions about me because you just can’t seem to get them right at all. I wonder what you would have done if you had arrived to find my body at the bottom of the stairs. Hey, Emm, good to see you” Bella smiled at Emmett.

“Hey Bells. I wish I could say the same. You look like crap, Lil Sis.” There was a collective drawing of unnecessary breath from the vampires at Emmet’s lack of tact.

The human just laughed. “Feel like crap, Emm. But at least it won’t be for much longer now and my doctor has promised me lots of lovely drugs so it shouldn’t hurt too much. How have been? What you been up to?”

“Nothing much, just playing with the odd grisly, you know how it is. So what have you been doing? You didn’t go to Dartmouth after all I hear,”

Edward had paid for four years of tuition at Dartmouth hoping that Bella would make the most of the opportunity.

“No. I never wanted to go there in the first place. I did think about just letting the money go but decided that it was silly to waste it and was lucky enough to get a refund on all the tuition except for the first semester. I went to the University of Washington but had to leave when I was first diagnosed. I had intended for it to be just a break while I got over my hysterectomy and first round of chemo but when the cancer came back I decided to just stay at home and got a job in the library. I used the rest of the tuition money to buy my house from Charlie. Perhaps I should be sorry for just taking your money, but I think that I was owed it, a small piece of security.”

While the rest of us were wondering what to say Emmett got straight in. “Does that mean we can spend money on you now without you complaining?”

“Well you could, but there’s nothing I need or want anymore that money can buy so I’m not sure what the point would be”

“To make you smile is a good enough reason. So, Lil Sis, what can I get you that would make you smile?”

“There is something that I would like but I’m not sure that you’re up to getting it for me” Bella’s acting had clearly improved because she really sounded like she was disappointed that Emmett wouldn’t be able to provide her with something that she wanted.

“What is it? I’ll get you anything, anything at all. You just say what you want and it’s yours.” The rest of us laughed as Emmett’s exuberance eased the tension in the room.

“Coffee. I could kill for a big mug of coffee” Bella said as Esme jumped up embarrassed that she hadn’t offered any refreshments.

“I’m sorry Bella. I never thought” Esme said. “We don’t have any coffee in. I’m sure we could ...”

“I’m on it” Rosalie said as she headed for the door. “Back in half an hour. How do you take it, Bella?”

“Just with cream, thanks Rosalie.”

“She’s going to Port Angeles so that no one sees her” Edward explained. “Is that also why you kept the car?”

“I needed transport and I actually like the Range Rover. I just wished you had respected me enough to get me something like it straight off instead of that awful monstrosity you got for me first. I hated driving that thing and was so glad when it was taken away.”

Edward sighed as we all digested the use of the word ‘respect’. One of the reasons Bella did not wish to be changed anymore: she thought that Edward did not respect her.

Emmett kept the atmosphere easy while he chatted to Bella, asking about her little sister and what Seth tells Renee about why he’s there all the time. It was something that made her smile, talking about Faith. I thought that I could use that later. 

Bella’s affection for both her mother’s family and for her father’s family was lovely to share. Renee and Phil’s move to Seattle was a source of such joy for her.

Once Bella was holding the mug of coffee as requested I took the bull by the horns: “Why don’t you want us to change you anymore, Bella? Why don’t you want to join our family?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, no matter how healthy you usually are, please take care to protect yourself and others from COVID19.


	10. Rosalie's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This time we get a peek at Rosalie's acerbic POV of the situation and it's not Bella that she's mad at.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are so many things about Edward and the Cullens that I as a modern woman find so annoying, some of them are touched upon here: more come out in later chapters. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy.

Sometimes I thought that men, no matter how intelligent they were supposed to be, were in fact stupid. Carlisle had to ask the most idiotic of questions. Surely it is obvious to the meanest of intelligence why Bella did not wish to join our family anymore?

‘And you can get out of my head Edward. Look at her, it has to be obvious why she wouldn’t want to live in a family of gorgeous people, especially paired off with a permanent seventeen year old’ I thought.

“We have known each other for six years, out of that time we’ve been together less than one of them. Do you think I want to spend eternity with a family that are going to leave me for five out six years?” Bella asked what I thought was a valid question. Not so much because Carlisle couldn’t answer it, because it would get the conversation going down the route to the nitty gritty at Bella’s pace.

“Bella, if you joined our family, there is no way we would be able to leave you unless you asked us to” Carlisle was gentle.

“How do I know that?” Bella asked the sensible question.

“You have my word.”

Was I the only one to see the hole that Carlisle had got himself into with that sentence?

“You gave me your word before. It was proven to be worthless then so it can have no value now. All I can use to judge what is likely to happen in the future is the pattern of the past. The past tells me that I am not a member of your family and will be left if someone deems it appropriate to do so without you even bothering to talk to me about it first.”

I watched as the others looked chagrined at each other, avoiding Bella’s eyes.

Esme gave it a go next. “Bella, there were reasons. Both times we thought that it was right for you that we go. We would never have done so if we realised that it was the wrong thing to do.” Oh dear, she did no better than Carlisle.

“Leaving me unprotected the first time was proven to be the wrong thing to do; so why would you be so sure that it would be different when you knew that there were vampires that would be after me the second time? And that does not take account of the fact that my input was not sought, either time. I forgave you all for the first time: everyone makes mistakes, but then you did it again. What happens the next time you think it the right thing to do? Besides, what role could I play in this family?”

“You’re Edward’s mate, of course!” Esme is so sweet, she had no doubt.

“Esme, I am older than Carlisle. I look older than you. Given your family’s lifestyle choice of starting high school over and over there is no way I can fit in without drawing attention to us. Think calmly and logically instead of in the heat of the moment. It is lovely to have this chance to meet up again, but it is too late for me to join your family, emotionally because I neither trust or respect you, or your family and physically because I just don’t fit.”

‘Oh bravo, Bella, that’s telling them like it is’ I thought. I wondered when I should step in to save the day. I decided to let the others have the opportunity to be batted down so that when I do win the argument no one is in any doubt as to my awesomeness as Emmett would say.

“That’s bull sh..., Bella” my darling man said. “I get why you don’t trust us, even I now don’t trust us, or at least certain parts of us anymore, but the rest is just wrong. We can make changes, you do fit in. In fact this family doesn’t operate properly as a family all the time you are away from us. You are my little sister, and I don’t care that you’re older than I was when I was changed, and you always will be.”

A good point from the big lunk, perhaps it will take the two of us to pull this off.

“Emmett, I love you for saying that. But if I was your little sister in reality, would you have left me twice, no matter what others said, especially the second time given how well it turned out the first? Of course you wouldn’t, you would want to make sure that your little sister was well and happy, even if it was just with the occasional ‘phone call, so calling me ‘Lil Sis’ is really just rubbing it in that I’m not.” 

I clearly thought too soon, he put the most important point in the middle of his argument so it just got lost. ‘I’ll have to make sure I bring it back up again.’

“Bella, you’re missing the most important points that Emmett made” my moron brother clearly picked the thought out of my mind, he offered a little smirk in confession. “You make us complete as a family. If you don’t want to, or can’t go through the high school route, then you and I find another way to live. You will look younger again after the transformation, you and Emmett could be in the same year, or I could be older than I look and we could both just go to the nearest college each time, or get jobs. But don’t doubt that you fill a void in our family.”

“I’m sure that any woman you chose to hook up with would fill the same void and don’t bother telling me that once I’m dead you’re going to get yourself killed so the void would be greater, because I don’t believe that the guilt you feel will be strong enough for you to do that to your family again. You might love me, but I’m sure that you will get over me.”

I loved that Bella was talking circles around the rest of them. Who said vampires were cleverer than humans? They clearly hadn’t met Bella.

“Bella, I know I’ve already said this, but vampires mate for life. You are it for Edward” Carlisle tried again.

“And you told me that he would not leave me again. Your word about your so called expertise is not the most reliable, is it? Anyway, just suppose that my entry into his life did make as big and permanent a change as you suggest, won’t my death have an equally strong effect? Perhaps he will be changed into someone who can love again, only this time he might not be quite so stupid. He might choose another vampire so you all can be happy about it. Someone Jasper won’t have to worry about taking a snap at, someone Rosalie won’t have to be bitter about, someone whose mind he could hear so he won’t make so many idiotic assumptions about them. Someone who he won’t have all the angst about changing them or not. Once I’m dead, it could turn out to be the best thing for this family since I moved to Forks, it would be like I never existed.”

I saw the wince of pain that Edward and Alice gave at that last point and wondered what it meant to them.

“You will never be able to take away our memories, Bella” Carlisle said sadly.

“I know that, but I assume you can file away your memories so that they don’t impact your everyday existence like you seemed to think I would be able to do when you left me. He even once told me that you leaving me and taking all physical reminders would make it like you all never existed to me.”

“But you are human” Jasper, at last, entered the fray. “Human memories fade over time. We can never forget.”

“Human memories may fade when being changed to vampires, but most humans remember betrayal for as long as they live. They may be able to forgive, but they do not forget. Ask yourselves, would you forgive a second betrayal, the same betrayal, from the same person after they promised to never do it again, especially when that betrayal cost you so much?”

Everyone looked very ashamed at Bella’s words except for me, who hadn’t betrayed her at all, and Jasper.

“How did our betrayal cost you so much. You got a new car and your house out of it so I can’t see where anything we did cost you anything” oh god, he really did put his foot in it.

“Jasper!”

“Hey, now that’s uncalled for!”

And Edward looked like he was about to attack Jasper until a touch on his arm from Bella calmed him down.

“If the family had done what they promised to do, I would not be facing death. I would have been changed, or I would have been diagnosed in plenty of time to be successfully treated. Carlisle knows that He” and Bella nodded towards Edward to indicate who she was referring to, “would have been able to smell when I first got cervical cancer, long before any human issues arose that led me to seeking medical help. Have you really no idea what these years have cost me and my family? And I am not talking about financial costs” she added with a disparaging look to Jasper.

“I’m sorry Bella, I shouldn’t have made that comment. Could he really have picked it up in time for you to be treated?” Jasper asked.

Bella looked to Carlisle.

“Given the level of intimacy between them even before the wedding I expect he would have. I expect that even I would have been able to detect the cancer before Bella really thought there was a problem. If we had not left, I am sure Bella would not now be facing death by cancer within weeks” Carlisle answered flatly.

Oh, god, that really brought the atmosphere down, and it wasn’t particularly good before that. Way to add more guilt to the pile.

It seemed that everyone else had run out of arguments, time for me to come to the rescue.

“Bella, you know that I have never lied to you in the past, right?” I asked.

“I know that you have never lied to me and been caught in the past” Bella was clever and perhaps should have been a lawyer.

“As far as I am aware, I have told you no lies, even when, for the sake of family harmony, it would have been easier to do so. Will you accept my word?”

Everyone looked at Bella, Esme almost pleadingly, as she considered my request.

Bella took a little while to think about and decide on her answer. “Okay, I will, for the time being, accept your word.” 

“Edward is an idiot. He is an arrogant, know it all, hypocritical chauvinist. Also, he is a man and even the best of them are stupid.”

“Rose!” from Emmett as I patted his arm to show I loved him anyway.

“Not helping, Rose” said a slightly humorous Edward.

“So far still telling me the truth, carry on” from Bella.

“For years he has been hearing the minds of everyone around him and has gotten used to thinking he knows people because of it. Even allowing for the fact that people grow and change and more importantly what goes through a person’s mind at a particular moment is not always a true reflection of who they really are, he thinks that he still knows them. And for the most part he does. He always forgets about the exception that proves the rule, the statistical anomaly, in other words, you. He forgets that he can’t hear you and does not know what you are thinking. So he makes the colossal mistake of assuming that you will think like everyone else would in a similar situation despite all the evidence that points to the contrary. And you have to admit, he never really grew out his Edwardian attitude to women, he clearly knows best, him being so manly and wise, which is completely at odds with his long held belief that he is not good enough for you and that you deserved better, then you add in his fervour to throw himself on the battlefield, sacrificing his life to protect his womenfolk back home.” I looked around, they were starting to appreciate my awesomeness, even the smarty pants of Alice, Jasper and Edward – who nodded to me in agreement.

“So” I continued, “when he is put into situations of stress, and the way you acted over the dog constantly stressed him out, he is going to revert to his default setting of thinking he knows best, that you would want what all women want, that he is not good enough for you and he should sacrifice himself to save you.” I was going to bask in my brilliance for ages. I wondered what I could demand from Edward as payment.

“So are you suggesting that I should let him change me now so that I can spend an eternity with someone who is constantly going to act all chauvinistic, ignoring everything I say and leave me when he is stressed?” Bella was scathing.

“No, I suggest you let him change you so that you can spend an eternity with someone who will sacrifice himself for you if necessary. He will still make mistakes, but you could refrain from putting him in stressful situations so that he doesn’t make such huge mistakes. And, I suggest, you use your newborn strength to kick his ass for what he put you through.”

“Oh yeah, brilliant Rose” Emmett cheered. “Bella babe, you really should take the opportunity to kick his ass. And since he can’t read your mind he can’t cheat.”

“Rosalie does make some excellent points” Carlisle smiled at me gratefully.

“Perhaps, but what about the issue of the rest of you going along with Edward’s idiotic, chauvinistic ideas without even having the decency to talk to me about it first?” Bella again asked a sensible question.

“It wasn’t just Edward who erroneously thought you were going to choose Jacob, Alice did too, and at least this time we didn’t just disappear on you. Alice stayed in touch, and you knew when we were moving away from Forks. Perhaps we shouldn’t rely on Alice’s visions so much, but they have kept us safe for decades” I tried to explain our position.

“There is one point that you haven’t addressed at all” Bella said with a look in her eye that told me it was a biggy and she was sure that I would fall like the others had. “You are all utterly gorgeous, right?”

We all looked at each other and shrugged an agreement. I was, of course, the most beautiful but we were all attractive, just like Bella would be once she was changed.

“Rosalie, would you want to spend an eternity mated with someone as gorgeous as Edward if you looked like me?” As she spoke she fiddled with her hair before pulling it off her head.

Oh shit, she did have me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here Rosalie is not the bitch she is sometimes portrayed, I don't think canon Emmett could love her if she was that bad so I'm trying to make her a little more rounded, I hope you approve.
> 
> Stay safe.


	11. Alice's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alice is her usual self who can't help but insist on playing Bella Barbie.
> 
> More home truths are brought to light, but as usual the Cullen's don't like what they reveal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise to anyone and everyone who may be upset at Bella's attitude to motherhood. I know that many women who are unable to bear children suffer greatly from that loss: but I also know that some women do not; and that some of them may feel different at 40 than they do at 20. When I wrote this I tried to stay as true to canon Bella as I imagined she would be in the circumstances she is in.

Crap, it was bad. Given how insecure Bella had always been about her looks there was no way she would believe that Edward would stay with an older, almost bald woman. At least not unless I could work some magic.

“Ooh, Bella make over day!” I said hoping to hide my immediate reaction from Bella as I ran to my bathroom at vampire speed to collect everything I needed.

Before she could blink I had Bella wrapped in a towel and I was spritzing her hair with water.

“Alice! What the heck are you doing?” Bella squealed.

“I’m styling your hair, of course” I tried to sound as if what I was doing was completely normal and that I wasn’t at all phased by the task ahead.

“Alice, is this really the time for this?” Esme asked.

I looked at Edward, surprised that he wasn’t interfering. He just shrugged, knowing that I wasn’t likely to make his mission any harder than it already was.

I then had a vision. It wasn’t a long one, but it was perfect. Edward smiled his approval.

“Esme, this is the perfect time. Bella is here, she thinks short hair is unattractive and she needs to know that her current hair is unattractive but it won’t be when I’ve finished. Don’t move Bella, it won’t take long and you are going to be amazed.”

“Whatever, Alice” Bella didn’t sound very enthusiastic.

I didn’t need to be a mind reader to know that everyone thought that I was the most insensitive being there is, but I knew that it was more insensitive to pretend that Bella’s looks are not a problem since she made it clear that to her they are a very big problem.

I told everyone to close their eyes so that the reveal would be as big a surprise to them as it was to Bella. Edward had already seen, so I suggested he keep a check on everyone else to make sure they didn’t cheat.

Bella just sat with a resigned smirk on her face. She had no confidence that anything I could do would make any difference to the outcome. She might be right. There was no magic in the world that would make her as physically attractive as Tanya and that was who she would always measure herself against. ‘Damn stupid, Edward for doing that!’ He looked at me and let me know that he agreed with my assessment.

I snipped away and soon fluffed up the longer strands at the front. It really was quite pretty and suited Bella’s chiselled heart of a face.

Telling everyone to keep their eyes closed I dashed upstairs to get a mirror for the big reveal.

“Ta da! What do you think?” I asked, looking at Bella, but meaning everyone.

“Woah! Eat your heart out Kate Beckinsale” Emmett said. “Bella babe, you look hot!”

For a brief moment I had a flash of another vision, but it was gone in a second. This one was of Bella as one of us. ‘She’s not totally convinced’ I thought to Edward, ‘but at least she’s now thinking about it.’

Edward had a sad look on his face as he agreed with my assessment. I tried to think of what else I could do to make things better.

“Well, Bella, what do you think?” I persisted.

“It is very good, Alice. So much better not having to wear those itchy wigs, thanks. It’s a pity that you can’t wave your magic wand and make my eye lashes and brows look normal.”

“The eye lashes are easy, just wear some eye liner or falsies, they’ll even stick on our skin for hours at a time, but your brows, hmm. I could reshape them, but they are still too patchy. Not to worry, you’ve got a few more months of growth and they might be perfectly acceptable by then” I finished optimistically.

Bella gave me an odd look, one I couldn’t interpret at all.

“I don’t have a few months, Alice. I’ll be dead in about three months.”

I stared at her, waiting for her to tell me that she was joking.

“But I thought you had six months” Rosalie said.

“Six months if I had treatment. I’m not having any more so leaving the cancer to just work its way through my body means about three.”

I looked to Carlisle, hoping he would dispute Bella’s words. He didn’t, he nodded his agreement.

“I would say you have about six weeks of semi normal life before you need to rest more than not” Carlisle said. “After that, the end will come somewhere between four and ten weeks depending on the medications you take to control the pain, unless your heart gives out first.”

“Then why won’t you try treatments?” Emmett almost shouted.

“Because she would spend the rest of her time being sick and in pain instead of having six reasonably good weeks” Rosalie said quietly. She too had gone to medical school.

“That means we have six weeks to show you that you do fit in our family, that Edward loves you more than anything and everything in the world and to earn your trust” Jasper said.  
“Difficult, but not impossible.” I did love that man.

“I hate to burst your bubble” Bella was sarcastic, “but given that He spent the last four and a half years proving that He hates himself more than He loves me and you all destroyed my trust, trust that it was very hard for me to give you again after you shattered it the first time, you would need at least four and a half decades to regain it. Don’t set yourselves up for failure, it only leads to disappointment” and I was sure that I wasn’t the only one to hear the bitterness in her words.

“Very well, Bella” Carlisle once more entered the fray. “How about we set ourselves realistic targets? I will write to Aro, with your approval, to let him know that it is our intention to change you if we can persuade you to give your consent, and that we are taking formal responsibility for your actions infinitum. That way even if you choose to leave us, we are still liable if you break our laws regardless of whether or not you are still a newborn. It would also mean we would be responsible for any newborns that you created.”

Bella looked at Carlisle as if he were an idiot, everyone else, except for Edward, shuffled and looked like they wanted to argue with his declaration. It gave too much power to Bella if she ever wanted to get her own back on us.

“Kind of you, Carlisle, but I don’t think the rest of your coven agrees with that offer. Besides, I wouldn’t want to have that power over anyone. Your trust of me is not the issue, I have done nothing to break it. I didn’t give you my word and go back on it, I never abandoned you, which I could have done by telling others about you, and while I did put your lives in danger with James, Victoria and her newborns, I don’t think that I could be held solely accountable for that and I did try to do what I could to put it right. You all left me at the mercy of Victoria and Laurent first time around, and then you left me to the Volturi. I forgave the first because I believed you when you said that you didn’t know it would happen and you promised to never leave me again. I cannot forgive the second because you knew and you still broke your promise.”

“But Bella, can you not forgive us for believing Alice’s vision of you having a baby, please?” Esme begged.

“Alice did not have a vision of me having a baby. If she did, well, actually there’s a funny story to tell there, but she had a vision of me, surrounded by my family, holding a baby, which came true. Given that I know a few females of child bearing age it should not have been beyond any of you to question the parentage of the baby. Just think, if someone had said, “Hey, Bella, Alice just had a vision of you holding a baby whose do you think it is?” I could have told you that it was mom and Phil’s but no one trusted me enough to do that. It doesn’t matter what Alice’s vision was, the fact of the matter is that you made decisions about me without talking to me first. You acted as Judge, Jury and executioners without even letting me know that I was on trial.”

“That one is probably my fault” Rosalie put in apologetically. “I said that no woman in her right mind would give up the opportunity to have babies and that you would realise it at some point.”

“Then you are wrong and as a doctor, Carlisle should know that. Lots of women give up the opportunity to have babies when they love a man who can’t give them to her, or when they think that they had enough of being the caregiver while they were supposed to be a child themselves. I had no problem in not wanting children because I would only have wanted His children and I had enough of being the caregiver to both my parents. Even if I had kept my health, I would not have wanted children. I accept that I might have regretted that somewhere down the line, but it would not have been for some years to come, past the point of being able to do something about it even if I remained human: but since vampires don’t change I don’t expect that aspect of me would have changed if I had been converted while still in my teens. You had no right to judge me by your standards, try to force me into making your choices. I cannot understand how you could bemoan your current existence when if you had lived as a human you would have been married to a rapist, wife beating murderer - and who knows what he would have done with any children you may have had, instead of the man who adores you. And it still does not explain why no one thought enough of me to ask rather than assume.”

“Bella, we love you enough to want the best thing for you. We all believe it is better to be human than this” I said. “Jacob is a good man, you could have had a good life with him.”

“No he isn’t! Well, he wasn’t. He was a good kid. He may have been built like a twenty-five year old but he was sixteen. You had to have noticed that he had the emotional maturity of a toddler, just like all sixteen year old boys, and you wanted me to marry him! And what sort of life would it have been if I had married him, had two kids, and then been abandoned when he imprinted? Do you think I would have wanted to hang around like poor Leah had to?”

“We never thought of that” I said pathetically, wondering why we hadn’t.

“For so called intelligent beings, you really do miss a lot of obvious stuff. Alice’s visions are switched on when someone has made a decision, right?” and Bella looked around as we all nodded our agreement. “What did I do that could make anyone think that I had made a decision to leave Him? Did I look like I had decided to leave him when you gave me his letter, Alice?” Bella didn’t even give me a chance to respond to her question before she went on: “Rosalie, did my demeanour shout that I had decided to choose Jacob when I came here begging to be able to speak to Him?” Bella didn’t wait for Rose to answer either before she carried on, and I couldn’t blame her, once again she was talking about that which should have been obvious. “What if it had been another’s decision, say someone had decided that they were going to have me regardless of not having my consent? What if the baby was the product of rape? What if I had decided to ask Him if we could try IVF since he was always so concerned over the human experiences I would miss, or if I wanted to volunteer as a surrogate? Would I have deserved to be abandoned by you all in those circumstances?”

“We never thought of those possibilities either” Esme said very sadly.

“Why is it that I am the one who has to pay all the time for your poor judgement and lack of thought?” Bella asked aggressively.

“So don’t let your own poor judgement get in the way of the future” I said exasperated.

Bella looked at me and I knew it was the wrong attitude to take. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it” I tried to regroup.

“Yes you did. You think that I should just forgive and forget; agree to be your plaything without feelings for eternity. Not going to happen. I need to go home. I’m tired.”

Without any more words Bella got up and walked to the door. We could all see the truth of her words, she was tired. Edward glared at me as he went to take Bella home.

“Well done, Alice” Rose said snidely as soon as the door was closed behind them. “We had actually made some progress until you attacked her.”

Jasper came to rub my back consolingly. He knew Rose was right but he was, as always, on my side.

“What are we going to do?” Esme wailed.

“We are going to do everything we can to help Edward court her” Jasper said. “She never denied that he loves her, nor did she say that she no longer loves him so that has to be the area of attack. We are not going to get her trust back in time so we have to help Edward convince her that eternity with him is worth everything even if it means working around her lack of trust.”

“Jasper, you are a genius” I gushed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of Bella's anger is actually a reflection of my anger at Rosalie's character for her attitude to humanity and motherhood. To me, both the books and the films made it seem like Rosalie would have preferred to be married to Royce King then to Emmett as long as she could have had children. How could anyone think that she had the perfect life?
> 
> Anyway, next we are back to Edward.
> 
> Stay safe and well, please.


	12. Edward's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edward has a long overdue conversation with Bella about her relationship with Jake.

Bella was silent as I drove her home. I knew that she was still angry with all of us, now including Rosalie. I didn’t know if now that she had visited the family she would be willing to see them again.

“Bella, do you know that I love you?” I asked.

“Yes.” She offered no qualification but I knew there was one, probably something along the lines of ‘but not enough’.

“Do you still love me?”

“Yes.” Once again, no qualification was offered but I knew she meant ‘but I don’t trust you’.

“Will you allow me the opportunity to try to persuade you to change your mind and let me change you?” I asked, desperately trying to keep from begging.

“I don’t know. I would like to spend some time with you, but I’m not sure that I would be willing to put up with you constantly going on at me to change my mind; no, I know I wouldn’t be willing to be badgered by you or anyone else” Bella was resolute.

“How about we spend time together and I promise not to mention changing you for at least a week, and then no more than once a day for a couple of weeks?” Did I sound as reasonable as I wanted to?

“I guess I can live with that” she replied begrudgingly.

“You have more that you need to tell the family, don’t you?” I intuited.

“Yes, but it will have to wait until Tuesday. I’m at work tomorrow, my last day unless I’m needed for a couple of hours later in the week. I’ll be exhausted when I get home and will need to go to bed for a couple of hours. Why don’t you come round later, I should be up between seven and eight?”

“So you’re saying you don’t want me to spend the night with you like I used to” I realised.

“Yeah. I managed without you for four and a half years. I see no reason to change that now.”

I don’t think she had any idea how much that hurt me. But then, I knew that I deserved all the pain that she gave me and accepted it as my due.

“I never realised you thought of Jacob as immature” I tried to engage her in conversation.

“I always thought it was obvious. It was one of the reasons I was so tolerant of his manipulations. It’s what toddlers do too” was said with the tone of someone speaking the obvious.

“You said it was one of the reasons. What were the others?" I asked, desperate to get the information I should have sought years ago.

“There is the fact that I owed him, I really owed him for the time you weren’t there, but also I just couldn’t shake the feeling that we were meant to be family. I used to actively wish that he was my brother, I later began to think of him more as a cousin. But there was also a small part that felt like I needed to keep him around in case you left me again, and I feel guilty for that, for using him in that way: it wasn’t fair to him even though it was sub-consciously.”

“What about being fair to me?” I hoped I didn’t come across as being accusing.

“You left me using the words that you knew would resonate most with my insecurities and you didn’t come back, I had to go get you. I had to beg you to mean it when Aro said you had to change me or I was to be killed, and you couldn’t. Why would I think that you truly loved me? You wanted me to spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder watching and waiting for the Volturi to come looking for me. Is it any wonder I was still ridden with doubt about your wish to stay with me?” 

“I had a plan for that, remember?” I avoided her first points not knowing how I could address them successfully.

“Of course I remember; but Alice’s visions are not infallible: they do not allow for chance or for how they can be gotten around. I would never have been able to feel safe all the time I remained human. Once I got over the shock and immediate pain of you leaving again, I never felt that I was safe, not even when surrounded by wolves. I was always worried about when they would find me and who might be collateral damage. At times I hated you for that, apart from why you left me, or rather why I thought you left me. The medical death sentence was almost a relief. No more looking over my shoulder; no more worry about others getting hurt; no more pretending to live; and best of all, no one could hold me to blame” as the bitterness resonated through Bella’s words.

We were sitting in my car outside her house. I didn’t want us to move, I wanted us to carry on communicating, no matter how painful it was for me to hear the words because I needed to hear them, really hear them.

“Why did you never force me to hear your fears, Bella? I feel so ashamed that you felt all that and I didn’t know?”

“Because you would have said that I was being absurd and repeated that you didn’t want to take my soul and that you would protect me, although how you thought you and the rest of the family would hold out if Jane came and tortured your family members to find out where I was, or that I would allow them to suffer I don’t know. Do you think Jasper would have kept quiet if Alice was being tortured? It was a crap plan but you were so adamant. In any case, once I had your agreement, or rather Carlisle’s promise, I thought it would be safe enough to wait for a few months so that the move from my human life could be managed without raising suspicions. It was only once you left, and even if Carlisle would still have kept his word, which I wouldn’t have wanted without you, that the fears ceased to be ephemeral and solidified.”

I waited until I could hear that Bella was asleep in her bed before I drove away. I could not believe that I had been so arrogant in my handling of Bella’s immortality; or that the rest of my family had let me. She was clearly more realistic than I, or any other member of the family, and was able to follow consequences through to their conclusions: I did not; I looked at the immediate future only.

I had no idea how I got to be so good at chess unless it was purely by reading minds.   
Nor could I forgive myself for not seeing that Bella would be in fear for the safety of others for as long as she stayed human. Bella had every right to hate me, I had hurt her unbearably when I promised that I would not, when I swore that the only important thing to me was her happiness. The pain Bella put me through over Jacob was nought but a tickle in comparison to what I did to her. Even though Bella did not like me to say it, I truly was a monster.

“You have to seduce her” Alice greeted me with as soon as I entered our home. “It’s the best way to show her that you really do want her.”

“Are you sure that is necessary? She admitted to me that she knows I love her and that she loves me still” I replied.

“Yes, but does she know you find her attractive? You have to make love to her, show her that you really want her, something that you didn’t do before. I promise you, if you can do that without seriously hurting her, it will be another reason for her to want to change.”

“Where am I supposed to conduct this seduction? I doubt very much that she will agree to it taking place in this house, even if you all left us alone for a while, and I don’t think I could do it at her house with the stench of wolf all over the place.” I did not add that it was particularly off putting in her bedroom.

“Then ask her if she would go away with you somewhere for a long weekend or so” Alice persisted.

I thought that idea might work, I doubted very much that it would harm my chances. But where should we go?

My family very helpfully suggested that I offer up a couple of ideas myself but let Bella say where she would like to go. As soon as I agreed with their suggestion Alice had another vision. This one was good.

“Well, tell us what you saw” Rosalie demanded.

“Edward and Bella are in New York, I must look for the best time for you to go, and they are both smiling, a smug ‘we’ve just had great sex’ sort of smile.”

I did not need Alice or anyone else to say that if I could keep Bella smiling like that then she would be more amenable to being changed. Who would not want an eternity being that happy when the alternative was a relatively slow and painful death in the near future?

The next day, just before ten a.m. Chief Swan turned up with Jacob Black and Seth Clearwater.

“I’m here to make sure you all know and agree to the stipulations we have to maintain the treaty if you change Bella” Jacob said. “We need to be sure that no one will be hurt or die as a result, not here, not anywhere.”

“Welcome to our home. Please come in and be seated so we can talk in comfort” Carlisle was the consummate host. “Esme is making some coffee.”

Seth and Charlie walked in and sat down as if they were in any house anywhere, without any sign of fear or awkwardness. Jacob sat as close as he could get to the door and looked ill at ease the whole time, stripped as he was of his previous arrogant bravado.

“Seth and I want to be sure that Bella will be safe and happy, and if there is any chance that she will be left again, we want you to contact us before you go so that we can be with her” Charlie said.

“Chief Swan, if we change Bella, we will not be able to leave her. We will be responsible for her actions according to our laws” Carlisle said.

“That is as maybe, but what if she wants to leave you?” Charlie asked.

“We cannot force her to stay, but we will still be responsible for her until she has passed what we call the newborn stage, usually about a year. If she breaks our laws in that time, not only will she be punished, but so will we. I give my word that if Bella decided to leave us, for whatever reason, I would immediately call you no matter how long after her change. I will also call you to let you know of any changes to our living arrangements, for example sometimes we might all live as separate couples for a while. I shall give you my number and the land line for the lodge that I suggest we could go to, remind Bella to call regularly, set up web cams, whatever it takes for you both to keep in touch. But we will need to consider what we tell everyone else, especially Renee, and suggest we talk about that nearer the time” Carlisle exuded calm confidence. Bella might have questioned his word, Charlie would not.

“What will you do to protect the humans if you change her?” Jacob asked.

“We have a lodge in the wilds of Alaska well away from human habitats and rarely visited by hikers. We will know if any are in the area and take appropriate precautions. In many ways it will be easier with Bella: she already knows about us, our world and our diet so will not be starting from the beginning like the rest of us were” Esme reassured. “And there are seven of us to help so Bella need never be left alone.”

Jacob looked at us all one by one. “Do you all agree to move to Alaska, help and support Bella through this change and to protect the humans?”

Jacob made sure that we all answered in the affirmative before he stood to leave. “Very well, we will allow the change of Isabella Marie Swan to be an exception to the treaty under those conditions but only with her express agreement.”

Charlie clearly wanted to ask more questions, get more reassurance but he did not know how to. I did not think it worth making a point of talking to him yet, perhaps in a week or two when we had a better idea of what Bella would decide.

“Chief Swan, Bella has agreed to spend time with me, but only on the understanding that I do not mention changing her for at least a week, and then no more than once a day for two weeks. Perhaps we should all meet in about two weeks’ time to talk about your concerns and anything else that we need to address in more detail with Bella. I am going to try to persuade Bella to let me take her away for a few days so that we can spend some time alone. Does that meet with your approval?” I asked.

“Hmph, it might be a good idea, I know there are lots of places she would like to go, things she wants to see. Somewhere where no one knows that she is ill would be good: she hates all the sympathy she gets from everyone here. And that was a great haircut, thanks Alice.” Charlie smiled at Alice. ‘Not so perky’ came clear from his muffled thoughts. He always liked Alice and had obviously noticed that she was very down at the moment. I could not tell him it was because she felt guilty for her part in us leaving Bella.

I was in my room, trying to hide from the thoughts of the rest of the family but it was impossible to escape.

Jasper was waiting to speak to me. He knew that I was angry that he had not told me of the obvious loophole in my idea to keep Bella safe from the Volturri. He also blamed himself for not telling us how much Bella loved me. He should not feel any guilt for that. He, like Rose and I, thought that Bella would realise that the benefits from being able to live an almost normal human life with Jacob would outweigh the love she felt for me. None of us took into account Bella’s stubborn nature: once she decided on a certain path there was no changing her mind.

There might have been a chance for Bella to choose to be with Jacob if I had not gone to Italy when I thought she was dead, if I had managed to stay away from her: but they would have both spent their lives wondering what would happen if I ever came back for her as I no doubt would have done at some point.

Alice wanted to ask if Bella had taken up with a lover after her visit just as she had threatened or if I had got back in time to stop her. She also wanted to know if Bella had now ended her relationship if she had taken a lover. I could have been nice and explained that yes, Bella had taken a lover, but it had lasted only a little longer than my relationship with Tanya because Embry, Bella’s lover, had imprinted on one of her Doctors. Oh the relief I felt when Embry told Bella about his date with Belle – short for Bluebelle. Because of the imprint, Embry was able to tell her everything. Belle was also a Native American, albeit from a different tribe and they had their own legends and she wondered if they too were true. If they were then their children might not shift into wolves, but eagles. That was something that I would like to see as much as Embry thought he would.

Bella and Embry clearly felt much affection for each other and there was no angst about the termination of their intimacy. Bella was pleased for Embry and would have been equally pleased whether or not I had come back to her. It was a shame that I could not offer the same thoughts regarding my relationship with Tanya. 

I really should let Tanya know that I was with Bella again. I did not know how to do it. There was no way I was going to leave Bella for the time it would take for me to get to Denali and back, but to tell her by ‘phone seemed so heartless. But given that I had spent more than four years telling Tanya that it was over between us did I even really owe her an explanation? Yes I did. I would write her a letter. I would tell her everything in a letter.   
That would be the right thing to do.

‘No! No! You’ll ruin everything, Edward!’ Alice was thinking to me very loudly. ‘You do that and Bella will never forgive you. She’ll see it as there still being something between the two of you, and Tanya, well, watch’ and Alice showed me what Tanya would do on receipt of my letter. She would not even consciously decide, she would just react and would come down here post haste and immediately denigrate Bella and make her believe that it was only guilt that was keeping me and the rest of my family with her. Alice was right, Tanya must never know until it was too late.

‘Much better. That future is gone’ Alice skipped away from my door to once again try to think of various scenarios and check for positive outcomes.

Esme was praying that Bella would one day be able to forgive her for leaving again. She knew that it would not happen any time soon but she hoped that Bella would agree to be changed so that she would be given the time to make it up to Bella. Poor Esme still thought of Bella as a daughter but there was no way that Bella would allow for that anymore and it would hurt both Carlisle and Esme when they accepted that fact.

Esme saw how much Bella still loved me and could not imagine that I would not be able to change Bella’s mind so that we could spend eternity together. I was nowhere near so sure because there was one piece of the puzzle that Esme did not have, unless she did have it but thought that Bella did not. In either case, it was a recipe for disaster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that I don't make people cross with how I see Bella and Jake. I think that even if there were no vampires or wolf shifters, Bella and Jake would not have got together because they simply have nothing in common. As for the plan to keep Bella safe from the Volturi, how crap was that?
> 
> Everyone, please stay safe and well.


	13. Bella's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bella gives the Cullens a warning about something that she believes is to come; and tells a few more home truths.

I didn’t sleep well. I was still so angry with the Cullens, all of them. I was angry that they kept on making decisions for me, trying to make me into their version of what a human should be. Would that habit change? Could it? Would they continue to think of me as the poor helpless weak link in their chain, incapable of knowing my own mind? I didn’t relish the idea of spending eternity with beings who were constantly trying to mould me into their view of what I should be, if they hung around that long.

Work dragged. I was so glad that my boss had agreed to let me leave after this one day. The ‘phone conversation with her on Saturday had been hard, but she immediately rallied round and worked out the practical arrangements to ensure that the townsfolk did not lose out with their access to the library, and I did not have to work more than this one day of notice.

I had asked Karen not to tell anyone why I was leaving. No doubt most would guess, especially as I started to look worse nearer the end, unless I could get away somewhere for a while. I didn’t know if I wanted to die away home, but there was definitely no need for me to be ill at home all the time. It was something to think about.

Instead of finishing at five, Karen sent me home early (she said she wanted to see how my replacements managed without me). I was glad to go. I was that tired I went straight to bed without bothering to get anything to eat or drink.

I was woken by the soft cool touch of vampire fingers stroking my face.

“Come on love, it is after eight, you should wake up. It does not look like you have eaten and you need to get up so that you can eat” Edward said.

“Oh, hmm, hey” very eloquent of me. “What time did you say?” I looked at my bedside clock. “Crap! I’ve been asleep for nearly five hours! I’ll never sleep tonight.”

“That is alright, we can talk instead. I want to ask you something, but first you need to eat. Should I get you something while you have a few human moments?” Edward offered.

“Oh, yeah, thanks. Can you get something out of the freezer, surprise me, and stick it in the microwave to defrost?” 

I went to get out of bed, still a little groggy, but a cold hand steadied me until I was stable. I didn’t know what to say about his unasked for assistance but since he let go quickly I decided to let the matter rest - for now.

A glance at my face in the mirror showed that I looked a lot better for my long nap. I was starting to get used to seeing my face without the swathes of hair that I used to hide behind and had to admit that the style that Alice had somehow managed to create suited me.

My arrival into the kitchen coincided with the ping of the microwave. A quick glance showed that all I needed was a little rice and I would have a perfect meal. Five minutes later I was sitting at the table.

“So, what is it that you wanted to talk about?” I asked Him.

“I wondered if you would be willing to come away with me for a few days, just the two of us, anywhere you want” he surprised me.

I looked at Him as I considered his request. It would be nice to get away from here for a while, all the sympathetic looks and solicitous enquiries.

“Do you have anywhere in mind?” I asked.

“Well, if you fancy somewhere hot and do not mind a long flight we could go to Isle Esme, a private island off the coast of Brazil, but we would need to spend at least two of the days travelling. Alternately, we could go to somewhere like New York for a few days and maybe go to Isle Esme later when all you want to do is relax in the sun with the occasional sortie into the water.”

I didn’t fancy the idea of spending so much time travelling but the idea of a private tropical island sounded blissful. “I’d love to go to New York, the Met, the Library, Ellis Island, Statue of Liberty, you get the idea” I said.

“Yes, you want to play cultured tourist to the hilt. Is there a time you cannot go, or should I just arrange the visit for when Alice says the weather is best?” I liked this new practice of consultation before making decisions.

“I have no more medical appointments I need to keep, and by the way, I sent an E-mail to my doctor to say that if Carlisle asks to see my medical records she should let him since I know that he is likely to want to do so and I didn’t want to put Belle or the Attending in an awkward position, so any time is good for me.”

He just grunted an acknowledgment of my comment about my medical records then said “I shall ask Alice when we should go and arrange the flights and hotel.”

We talked a little about what he had been doing since he left Tanya. 

It was rather sad to hear. He had spent little time with his family, choosing instead to tour the world visiting the many friends Carlisle had all over the globe while avoiding Volterra.   
As angry as I was with him over the pain he had caused me, I was just as angry at the pain he had caused himself. How could he do it again? His good intentions had nearly ended both our lives before and still he did not learn. 

I finally understood it, why he never wished to change me. I could, and did, grow and learn, he was forever stuck as a seventeen year old capable only of life affecting change and not the small step growth that we humans take for granted. As much as I loved him and he loved me, he was never going to grow out of being seventeen and arrogant, as all seventeen year old males from his era were.

We talked until nearly midnight when I threw him out again. He wasn’t happy until I suggested that he came to collect me at ten the next morning to take me to the Cullen house so that I could tell them everything that I needed to say.

I called Angela just before I knew she would need to set off for work. I told her that I would tell her everything if she brought our favourite ice cream round that night. I hated that I had to lie to her, but I would tell her everything that I could, including my prognosis and my idea to ask Him to take me to his tropical island to die. I knew how she would react: she would be extremely sad but she would support my decisions as being best for me. How I wished that the Cullens could absorb some of Angela’s wisdom.

“Welcome again, Bella” Carlisle spoke as I entered the house. “Edward tells us that you have things you wish to say to us and that he thought they were important.”

“Yes, it would be best if everyone was here so that if there are any questions they can be addressed altogether.” I didn’t need to worry, the Cullens were all sitting waiting for my arrival, each with a hopeful expression on their face.

I was plied with coffee and healthy nibbles and once I was as comfortable as can be I looked to see that they were waiting for me to speak.

“On Sunday someone said something about Alice seeing me have a baby and I said that she didn’t but there was a funny story to tell about that, remember?” I looked around. The faces were now puzzled.

“Of course we remember, Bella, but I thought that you wanted to tell us something important, not funny” Carlisle said.

“The important bit follows on from the funny story and I’ll need to give some information that you already know so that it can all be placed in context so please bear with me. If I’m not clear, please ask me to clarify, but please accept that all the details I give are relevant.” I looked around again: this time the expressions were encouragement for me to continue.

“I was still a freshman when I started to realise that there was something wrong with me and that I ought to see a doctor. While that was happening to me Jake was visited by a powerful Sharman from another tribe. This Sharman told Jake that it was too late for him to imprint since his imprint could now never be. Jake asked for more details. He was told that the one he loved was supposed to bring his imprint to him. She would have had the eyes of a wise doe like her mother and hair of molten bronze like her father” I ignored the gasps and carried on. “She would have had the heart of her mother and the strength of her father and she was to unite two of the three worlds to which she would have belonged. When Jake asked what that part meant he was told that she would have forged an unbreakable bond between the golden eyed cold ones and the wolves but her mother’s people would never have known about her. So you see it is funny that Alice never saw me having a baby, but I was supposed to, I was supposed to have yours” and I looked at Him waiting for him to speak.

“But Bella, that is impossible” Carlisle was the first to break the silence.

“Are you sure? I read up on the legends of the incubus and to be frank I am not going to believe that the legends were mere stories and that the Sharman was talking bollocks given everything else that I have seen. Why don’t you actually carry out scientific tests on all you men? As for the timing, I went to the doctor and was told I needed an emergency hysterectomy due to cervical cancer.”

The silence reigned for a few seconds more.

“Jeez, Bella, if you think that is a funny story, I dread to hear the important bit that follows” Emmett tried to lighten the atmosphere.

“The Sharman said that the united wolf and cold one with Jake’s imprint at the centre would have stood together in the war that was to come so that no more than a single life would be lost but without that unbreakable bond many lives could be lost from all sides. You might not believe the Sharman, or you might interpret it differently, but it sounds like you might need to prepare yourself for some kind of battle. So you see, you leaving me again has not only cost me my life, but possibly your own.” I almost relished the pointing out of that final truth.

“If we had not come here at this time, would you have told us?” Jasper, ever the tactician, asked.

“I have left a letter with Angela that she was to open in event of my death. With it is a letter for Alice outlining everything I just said. My letter to Angela asks her to E-mail Alice to let her know of my demise and tell her of the letter left for her. I have no idea how Alice would have responded, or even if she would have bothered.” I really had changed, the latter point was unnecessarily nasty.

“Bella, you every right to be angry with us, but I will not let you attack my wife like that“, Jasper clearly agreed with me but ... .

“No, Jasper, it doesn’t matter” Alice was conciliatory.

“Don’t worry, Major Whitlock, I have just one more thing I need to say then neither of you have to ever see or hear from me again.” I really was turning into a bitch.

“No! He didn’t mean anything by it, Bella” Alice clearly realised that the conversation was going downhill fast and she tried to put the brakes on it. “It’s just that he still feels guilty for the fact that he didn’t mention the loophole in the Edward’s bright idea to keep you safe from the Volturi” and Alice put her hand on Jasper’s thigh to keep him still. “He’s just feeling a little defensive. He knows that you have every right to wonder if I would have been bothered to hear about your death given everything that I cost you, and how I talked to you when I gave you Edward’s letter. And all the emotions in the room, they’re taking a toll on him, so please, don’t pay any attention to what he said” she begged.

I looked at Alice, then Jasper. Alice was silently begging me to ignore Jasper’s comment. Jasper was looking at Alice with adoration. A quick glance around the room told me that the others were also hoping that I would ignore Jasper’s almost threat, except for Him. He was just looking at the floor. I had no idea what he was thinking.

“Sure, sure” I tried to dismiss it all using Jake’s favourite saying. “I’ll tell you something else then before I get to other important stuff, you should know that as far as all the palefaces other than Charlie know, I dumped you lot this time. I had enough and flipped one day kicking the whole lot of you out of my life. I was the toast of our group at the party held before everyone went their separate ways to College. I got drunk enough not to mind the attention while staying sober enough not to give the game away.”

“And they believed you? How?” Rosalie wanted to know.

“It was easy. I was enjoying a milkshake with Angela in the diner when Lauren Mallory came in with Jessica Stanley. She thought that she would wind me up about my cancelled wedding and when she said something about over a hundred wedding invitations having been posted I flipped ... “

“What did you say? Over one hundred invitations? This is it! This is why it’s over! I said I wanted a small wedding. Does that sound like it was going to be small with that many posted let alone all those hand delivered in town? And as for the dress! Really, this whole wedding deal has just proven that the Cullens did not know me at all, as if I couldn’t tell by that awful car He got me to drive because anything I like is just not good enough for a Cullen!”

“What was wrong with the dress, it’s beautiful?” Alice cried.

“Yes” I agreed, “the dress is beautiful, but what did I constantly tell you was wrong with it?”

“That it needed to be shortened. But it didn’t, the length was perfect!” Alice insisted.

“No, it was too long. I took all three girls back to my place and showed them the shoes you wanted me to wear. That convinced them ... “

“Were they actually planning your death?” Jessica asked.

“Yeah, the perfect murder. They must have had you insured for a fortune. Only someone who really wanted you to either die have a serious injury would put you of people in those shoes. My god Bella, the very least that would have happened is that you would have broken an ankle. Walking in those things would probably have meant you breaking your neck” Lauren said looking at me with actual pity.

“Why didn’t they want you to be you?” Angela asked.

“Why didn’t you say?” Esme asked

“I did, lots of times, but I was ignored. Just like every time I didn’t want what you all wanted me to want. I didn’t want to go to prom, I didn’t want a birthday party, I didn’t want a graduation party, I don’t want to wear skirts or dresses other than for special occasions, I didn’t want to have a big wedding, I didn’t want children, I never want to wear heels, I don’t like fancy cars, I hate being the centre of attention, I hate shopping, I hate people making decisions for me, I don’t like being the weakest link, having to be the one to be protected all the time, I didn’t want to stay as an aging human married to a permanent teenager, I hate being told who I can be friends with and most of all, I hate being abandoned. It was so easy to make people believe that I would have enough of trying to be good enough for you, that I would eventually say I wasn’t doing it anymore. All it took was a pair of shoes and a car for anyone who knew me to believe that I would get fed up of trying to fit in where I clearly didn’t” my bitterness was clear.

“So that’s another reason you don’t trust us” Rosalie added. “You think we believe that you, as you really are, are not good enough for us.”

“If I am, why did you constantly try to change me?”

“Because we thought that you would want ... what we would have wanted, what most teen aged girls would have wanted; which wasn’t what you wanted” Rosalie finally got it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hated how Bella struggled with the shoes in the movie, and how Alice always ignored Bella's wishes about her clothes in both mediums and I wanted to put in a few digs about it, since I think that a grown up Bella wouldn't let Alice get away with it.
> 
> Continue to stay safe, please.


	14. Edward's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bella tells of a few more home truths, including something that the Cullens really should have thought about before leaving Bella still human.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's so many times that I wanted to yell at canon Bella to stop trying to be a bridge because she only succeeded in being a door mat. A little more of Bella doormat no more.

The more Bella spoke the more I realised the near impossibility of ever persuading her to let me change her. It seems that even when it came to what she would wear at her own wedding her wishes were ignored. Did she ever get what she wanted?

Then I realised the answer to my question, yes she did. Bella got something she wanted when I gave her a CD of my music, when I spent time with her even if we just cuddled and talked, when Emmett hugged and teased her like she was in truth his little sister. All the times Bella got what she wanted were times when she was just being herself and we were just being ourselves. Our money did not factor into it, just our time. Most men would be glad that the love of their existence did not want their money, but not me; I had to try to change Bella to someone who just took what I gave and was grateful.

Alice was still finding it hard to accept that Bella did not want to look or dress like she wanted her to. But seeing the shoes in Alice’s mind I was inclined to agree with Lauren (and I never thought that I would agree with Lauren Mallory over anything), only someone wanting Bella to have an accident would put her in those shoes.

“But what about Charlie?” I asked. “Why does he not hate me given that he knows that you did not do the breaking up?” I did not want to change the focus to the earlier subjects, I didn’t know when I would be ready to talk about them sensibly.

“I told him that you found out that I had been making out with Jake after accepting your proposal. Poor Seth was blamed for letting it slip. Charlie went from hating you, to pitying you so fast he almost got whiplash. When he learned that the legends were true, I showed him your letter and told him the truth of why you left me first time and that you really were suicidal when you thought I was dead. You went right up in his estimation. I don’t think he has forgiven himself even now for throwing Jake and me together while denigrating you. He thinks that if he hadn’t encouraged Jake we wouldn’t have had that make out session and you wouldn’t have left.”

“And you would not now be dying of cancer” I added. Bella bowed her head a little in acknowledgement. At least it explained why Charlie did not blame me, he blamed himself. 

I realised that Bella could not have told Charlie about Tanya and I wondered why. Before I could put thought into word I recognised that it would be best if I spoke to Bella about that privately, if I mentioned it at all instead of just being grateful.

“Why did you stay with me for all that time?” I asked. “Why did you not fight more for what you wanted?”

Bella looked at me as if I was an idiot. It was a look that I becoming familiar with since I returned to Forks. “Because I didn’t want to give you any reason to leave me again. I thought there was plenty of time for me to assert myself once I was no longer a puny human.”

And once again the cost of my leaving Bella first time was still being paid. She clearly had not got over the first leaving before I did it again. Would eternity be long enough to get her to trust me again?

If I had eternity. Bella may not agree to be changed, and even if she did, could she die in the battle that the Sharman thinks will be coming our way? 

I tried to read through everyone’s thoughts.

Carlisle was pondering the possibility that I could have fathered a child by Bella. He wanted to carry out the tests that Bella suggested. I was not looking forward to providing the sample he would soon request from all us men.

Esme was trying to think of ways to make Bella forgive us all. As quickly as she was thinking them she was discounting them because they all involved giving something of monetary value to Bella.

Jasper was trying to stop feeling angry because he could tell that it was hindering his ability to interact with Bella. Exactly who it was that he was angry with was unclear, but I thought that at least some of the anger was directed at himself.

Alice was full of remorse for her contribution to the mess I, no we, were in and she was making decisions on things she could do to make everything better then changing her mind as she saw the results of all her decisions. She was still not able to see things from Bella’s perspective and in that way she was exactly like Esme.

Emmett was calling me all the nasty names he could think of and swearing to never listen to me ever again since I had demonstrated a true ability to destroy the very things I should hold dear. He was correct.

Rosalie’s thoughts did not surprise me. She was speculating about the feasibility of paying some human woman to be a surrogate for her and Emmett. She was wondering how soon she could look into it all without appearing to be tactless.

Bella was looking around at us all watching and waiting for us to respond to what she said. Once again I wished that I could hear her thoughts.

How could I get her start talking again?

“Bella, what did Mike Newton think of the Guardian?” I just wanted her to talk.

“Guardian, what guardian?” she asked.

I sighed. “The Mercedes Guardian, the car that you hated.”

“Oh, that Guardian. All the guys loved it. Jake thought that it was the best car anyone could buy me to ride in but crap for me to drive since I didn’t have the delicate touch needed to control the accelerator and brake properly. Mike said that you would have been better just getting a new engine for my truck. I sighed and said that I wished you had because I loved that truck and did so from the first moment I saw it parked on the drive. I still miss it and feel like I’m being unfaithful every time I ride in the Range Rover.”

“What finally happened to it?” I asked to try to keep the conversation light.

“Scrapped. We held a wake for it that was kind of fun. The steering wheel is buried in the back yard along with some of my hair that fell out.”

“You said you had something else of import to tell us” Carlisle once again brought the subject back to what was important.

“Oh yes” Bella almost smirked at Jasper and I dreaded what was coming. “Something you should have thought of when discounting my life as being so much less important than a little unhappiness for your wife Major Whitlock.”

I could tell that Jasper was starting to hate being addressed by his military title.

“Who was it that actually told Aro that I would be changed, even going as far as to say they would do it themself? Who assured Jane that the date for my conversion had been set?” 

Oh god! I knew what was coming, and so did Carlisle and Alice.

“You didn’t change me, and you didn’t kill me, Alice, and you clearly had no intention of doing either. Aro was going to consult with Caius and Marcus to agree what your punishment should be for lying to them. Oh don’t worry” Bella was snide, “he doesn’t want you dead, you would be far too valuable, but a term of servitude in the guard is likely.”

The wave of hate coming from Jasper was overwhelming: we all felt it and I couldn’t stop myself form looking at Bella with dislike too.

“I’ve no idea why I am blamed for this mess so stop looking at me as if you would like to kill me now, Major: it won’t change anything. You need to come up with a plan of action. Think of something you can do that would appease Aro, but be something that you all can live with. I don’t know if it would be best for you to give yourself up voluntarily or for you to wait for the Guard to find you, but he wants to make sure that word does not get out that the Volturi were getting soft” Bella offered.

“Are you enjoying yourself paying us back for the pain we caused you?” Jasper was snide.

“To be honest, a little. I might hate the fact that I have turned into a bitch, but it is what I have become. I sent an E-mail to Alice as soon as Aro had left saying that I needed to see her. I planned on warning her then but got side tracked when I discovered how she had stitched me over. I think I am entitled to a little payback. At least I am still informing you of the problem so that you have time to decide what to do about it. And by the way, killing me or changing me now is not going to make much if any difference to Aro’s perspective.”

I looked at Bella, hoping to glimpse the Bella that I fell in love with, but I did not. I saw a Bella who was truly angry and I hated that I had done that to her.

‘Well, who knew that Bella would grow a set of balls?’ Rosalie thought. ‘I have no doubt that she and I would get on so much better now, perhaps she and I would be best friends instead of her and Alice.’

‘I don’t like this Bella. She’s not happy and cute, but she is still ballsy, just not in a nice way now. Perhaps once it’s all out in the open it can get better again’ Emmett was hopeful.

‘Why did we not think of this before?’ Esme wondered. ‘I could lose another daughter and that would mean losing Jasper too. How could one wrong decision mean the possible loss of half my family because I have no doubt that if Bella dies then it really would be the end of Edward.’

I caught Esme’s eye and nodded to acknowledge the truth of her thought. As I had always said, I would not live in the world if Bella was not part of it.

“Bella, is there anything we could do to make this situation better?” I asked.

“Like I said, come up with an idea or two that would give Aro what he wants and be something that you could all live with. Bear in mind that he really wants Alice to work for him but wouldn’t mind making use of the rest of your talents, particularly yours” she looked at me.

“Do you have any suggestions?” Rosalie asked.

“Yeah, a couple of ideas come to mind, but you really ought to think about it yourselves. Carlisle knows Aro better than I do. You know yourselves better than I do. You should be able to come with solutions better than I can. But like I said, Aro does not want Alice dead so you should be able to come up with something.”

“Bella, will you come for a drive with me while the rest of them talk?” Rose asked. “I’m sure that I have nothing that Aro wants to make use of and I’ll go along with anything the rest of the family come up with that will allow us to retain our bond and be together in the long term.”

I tried to understand why Rosalie would do this.

‘Don’t worry’ she thought, ‘I’ll get her back after she’s had some lunch and I have a chance to try to get to the root of her bitterness. Not what we think it is, but what she feels.’

I could not help but feel grateful as I nodded my head in acceptance.

As soon as the front door had closed behind Rose and Bella Jasper went on the offence.

“This is your fault!” he said looking at me. “You are the one who should be punished not my Alice. The decision was always yours and you made sure that we all knew that it was up to you and no one else.”

“I know” I agreed. “I was going to say that if Bella does not agree to be changed as soon as she has died I offer myself to Aro.”

“But what if she is changed, then what?” Jasper demanded.

I looked straight at Jasper as I delivered the news he would not want to hear. “Bella comes first. While she needs me, I am there for her.”

“Then I’m going to make sure that she won’t need you, by whatever means necessary. Alice is not going to Volterra especially since she was only there to save your sorry ass in the first place.”

I didn’t have to say anything in response: everyone else did it for me.

“No Jazz! I don’t want you to kill Bella. We need time to mend together!” from Alice.

“Jasper, think about the long term” Carlisle was calm but clear. “Bella thinks we can find a solution that the whole family can live with so let’s trust her for once.”

“Jasper, man, I’m not going to let you kill her. What the hell’s gotten into you? You were pissed at her even before she said anything. Why?” Emmett was right on the ball.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Jasper, his empathic abilities are really not doing him any favours at the moment. 
> 
> Stay safe and well so you can read the next enthralling installment when I get to post it.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the start, it set the scene so we'll see how the characters play it out. Let me know if there's anything in particular you want me to address and I'll try to fit it in.
> 
> Stay safe.


End file.
